


Don't Think About It

by nightlikesummersnow



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, probably not Kaylee, they are in love but they are dumb, who will get a braincell first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-02 12:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20276260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightlikesummersnow/pseuds/nightlikesummersnow
Summary: There was no Kaylee to help her prepare the night before classes were supposed to start, or to help her pick out her outfits for the first week. There was no best friend sleeping a foot away from her, accompanying her to and from the gross co-ed bathroom and helping her set up her (non-roommate-matching) bedspread.Which was why Shelby was chugging jungle juice at a frat party on her first Friday night on campus in an attempt to soothe the butterflies in her stomach and forget about the rough first week in a new place. That, and Kaylee had asked her to meet her there while Nick came to visit this weekend.or, how things changed between Kaylee and Shelby. And how they deal with it.





	1. Chapter 1

Kaylee was supposed to be her roommate.

When Shelby and Kaylee had squealed over (well, Shelby wasn’t a squealer, but she let Kaylee squeal) their acceptance letters from Indiana State, Kaylee had immediately followed up with plans for their matching bedding and the cutest lampshades she saw at Kmart two weeks ago.

“And I’m thinking fairy lights! Like a canopy of fairy lights over the beds? So cute, right?” Kaylee said, grabbing Shelby’s hands in hers and squeezing.

“Sure, Kay,” Shelby had said, rolling her eyes affectionately. “Maybe in rose gold?”

“Oh my god, I literally was just looking at rose gold lights.”

And that was that. Or so she thought.

Mr. Klein, Kaylee's dear old dad, had other ideas. Like sending a donation to the student activity fund that landed Kaylee in a private room in the upperclassmen dorms, and Shelby in a cramped double with a roommate from New Jersey who smelled like pepperoni. Probably because of all the pepperoni she kept in her personal mini fridge, which under no circumstances was Shelby allowed to use, touch, or breathe on.

And she thought Alyssa was uptight. Well, before the whole coming out in front of the entire school thing.

So there was no Kaylee to help her prepare the night before classes were supposed to start, or to help her pick out her outfits for the first week. There was no best friend sleeping a foot away from her, accompanying her to and from the gross co-ed bathroom and helping her set up her (non-roommate-matching) bedspread.

Which was why Shelby was chugging jungle juice at a frat party on her first Friday night on campus in an attempt to soothe the butterflies in her stomach and forget about the rough first week in a new place. That, and Kaylee had asked her to meet her there while Nick came to visit this weekend.

“You like Nick! It’ll be fun to catch up,” Kaylee had said when they met for lunch on Wednesday.

Shelby did not like Nick, and she did not think it would be fun to catch up. The guy knew 80 years of baseball statistics but didn’t know any jokes beyond, “orange you glad I didn’t say banana?” Please.

But Kaylee had begged, and Shelby always had a hard time saying no to her, even when she wasn’t pleading with big puppy dog eyes. Kaylee even threw in a, “I’ll be your best friend!” so Shelby had to say yes. That was a joke, anyway. The two of them had been inseparable for longer than Shelby cared to remember, so if Kaylee pulled out the old “best friend” line, she knew it was a serious matter.

But for god’s sake, did it have to be this party? It wasn’t even one of the good frats. Shelby glanced disdainfully at the guy lurching his way over towards her.

“Do you want something a little stronger?” he asked, offering her a swig of his whiskey. He was cradling the large bottle protectively, like a baby, and Shelby thought she had never seen anything so pathetic.

“I mean, I’ve had like three cups of juice. That should do the trick,” Shelby waved him off.

“I guess if some girly mixed drink really does it for you,” he laughed.

“I guess it does,” she said, angling herself away from him and the man bun sprouting from the top of his unwashed scalp.

“Come on, live it a little,” he whispered, slithering up to Shelby to nuzzle her shoulder.

“Fuck off.”

“Alright, alright,” he grimaced, raising his hands in deference and heading back across the room.

Crap. Where was Kaylee? They were supposed to meet at the party an hour ago, and instead, she was getting hit on by randos with dirty hair and standing by herself at the drinks table. Was this how the losers in high school had felt all the time? God, it sucked.

Shelby glanced around the basement, avoiding staring at the couples intertwined in various positions in the corner. No Kaylee and Nick there, at least. Nick was supposed to be here ages ago, but he was probably running late, as usual. Idiot. She figured she’d head upstairs and look for some chips. At least eating them would give her something to do with her hands.

To her surprise, no Lay’s were on the kitchen table, but Kaylee was. Boots kicked off and sleeves rolled up, she was performing last year’s cheerleading routine for a couple of bored looking partygoers.

“Shelby!” Kaylee shouted, spotting her instantly. “Come do the final stunt with me. Can you base? I wanna fly tonight.”

“When did you get here?" Shelby asked instead, reaching up to grab Kaylee’s hand and pull her down from the table.

“I dunno. Where have you been? I missed you! Have you been having fun without me?” Kaylee whined, leaning her head on Shelby’s shoulder. Her long, dark hair brushed Shelby’s cheek and she inhaled the sweet scent of Kaylee’s shampoo. Why couldn’t her stupid roommate hoard hair products instead of pizza toppings?

“Where’s Nick?” Shelby asked, not bothering to respond to Kaylee’s questions. She steered her friend over to the sink to get some water, glancing around to see if she could spot his trademark baseball cap in the mosh pit.

Kaylee’s smile didn’t waver, and she waved enthusiastically at a large guy lumbering past them with his arms wrapped around a keg.

“He’s not here!” Kaylee said cheerfully, flipping her hair. “And thanks, but no thanks on the water. I’ve only had one raspberry ice.”

Shelby should have figured that her former co-captain would perform an entire cheerleading routine to a non-receptive audience while nearly sober.

“Fine. But when is Nick arriving?”

“He’s not. Dumped him this afternoon.”

“What?” Shelby stared at her best friend. As boring and undeserving of Kaylee as she found Nick, that was unexpected. How many times had Kaylee told her that she and Nick were going to be the couple who made it? That going to different schools meant nothing because love doesn’t just disappear with distance? What had changed? And when?

Kaylee looked like she was ready to climb back up on the table, but Shelby wasn’t going to let that happen without getting some answers. She dragged Kaylee down the hall to an extremely long line, presumably for the bathroom. It was at least a twenty-minute wait. She grabbed Kaylee by the hand and forged ahead, pushing through the throngs of drunk college kids waiting impatiently for the one stall.

“Uh, there’s a line,” a girl halfway down the hallway huffed as Shelby knocked her, not so gently, into the wall on her way through the crowd.

“Uh, you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a shit,” Shelby retorted, twisting the handle of the door open and pointing at the two people hooking up on the toilet tank.

“Out.”

Without breaking contact, they moved their make out session to the hallway and Shelby locked the door, leaning against it as she turned to face her friend.

“What happened with Nick? I thought you two were solid?”

Kaylee checked herself out in the cracked mirror above the sink. “It was so boring. He wanted to FaceTime, like, 24/7. I’m in college! I want to go out. He wasn’t getting it.”

“But this afternoon? Right before he was supposed to stay the weekend?” Shelby pressed.

“No time like the present,” Kaylee said, shrugging. She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out her Chapstick, puckering her lips to apply it as she leaned in close to the mirror. Shelby watched her apply it, painting an even coat on her soft lips.

“Mm, cherry.” Kaylee turned to face her with a smile, the kind that was so big and contagious it made Shelby wanted to grin right back. But she had more questions first.

“How did you do it?” Shelby asked, crossing her arms. Not that she cared about Nick. But it seemed out of the ordinary for Kaylee to dump the guy out of nowhere.

“Over the phone. Took 10 minutes. Can we go now? This bathroom smells like cat food.”

Well, Kaylee seemed fine with her decision. And who was Shelby to comment? She had dumped Kevin the day after high school graduation and never looked back. I mean, hello, they were never going to be a thing beyond the hallways of their 400-person high school. College meant upgrading.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Shelby unlocked the bathroom door, relieved, and quickly moved out of the path of a very wasted freshman clutching her stomach.

“Hey, Kaylee!” a guy said, blocking the girls as they made their way towards the kitchen. “Saw you doing that little routine before. I thought you could teach me and my friends a couple of moves. What do you say?”

Kaylee tilted her head to gaze back at him coyly, running a hand through her long hair and batting her eyes ever so slightly.

“Let’s see if you can keep up,” Kaylee grinned. “Come on, Shelbs, he looks like he could use a hand.

Ugh. Really? But Kaylee seemed excited. Shelby grabbed a half-empty bottle of water from a nearby table and tossed it back. She _really_ wasn’t drunk enough for this. But at least she’d be hydrated.

“Alright, lead the way.”

\---

Laughing, Shelby linked her arm through Kaylee’s as they walked past the row of frat houses.

“Oh my god, those guys! It went beyond two left feet. I didn’t think it was possible to be a worse dancer than Emma,” she scoffed.

“Aw, be nice. She kept up with Alyssa pretty well at the graduation party,” Kaylee said, nudging her. Shelby had to admit that was true.

“And, I mean, New York’s famous for dancing, right? Maybe being at school there will do her some good,” Kaylee added, snuggling closer to Shelby in the cold night air.

“I know, I know. I was only teasing,” Shelby sighed.

“Don’t worry, no one is going to take your spot as the best dancer to ever graduate from James Madison High School,” Kaylee said, throwing a wink to her friend.

“Shut up.”

“If your best friend can’t say it, who can?”

Shelby laughed, shoving her. But she flushed at the compliment, fixing her gaze on the sidewalk in front of them so she didn’t have to acknowledge that it momentarily cracked her shell.

“Oh, we’re right by my building. Want to crash?” Kaylee asked, pointing out Holmes Hall just ahead of them.

“Sure,” Shelby said, easily, following her friend into the building. It beat the pepperoni roommate any day.

She followed Kaylee up the stairs, watching her friend’s bouncy gait in front of her. Shelby remembered Nick saying Kaylee moved like an overeager Pomeranian. She thought it was kind of cute. As they got nearer to the fourth floor, Kaylee slowed, and Shelby watched her jittery pace calm to a sway, hips moving side to side ever so slightly. She glanced up at Kaylee’s head, her shiny, dark hair gliding halfway down her back.

“Hurry up, Kay.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” Kaylee groaned. “Don’t be a pill.” She pushed open the door to her floor and led Shelby down the hall. Stopping in front of the door with the cheerful, RA-made, “Amanda Klein” name tag, she patted her back pockets, searching for her key.

“Everyone keeps calling me Amanda. Stupid parents making Kaylee my middle name,” she sighed, finally finding her key and letting them into her room.

Shelby laughed. For someone who had only been going by her middle name for the past couple of years, Kaylee sure was touchy about being called by her original given name. Shelby walked into Kaylee’s suite, dumping her purse on the floor and kicking off her shoes. “I like your rug,” she commented, turning to face her friend and seeing tears dripping off her chin.

“Kaylee,” Shelby said, startled. She reached for her friend. Her best friend, who had a red face and a scrunched-up nose and eyes as bright as stars as they filled with tears. “What’s going on? What happened?”

“I didn’t dump Nick. He dumped me,” she said, letting out a half-strangled sob as she curled up on her bed.

“What happened?” Shelby repeated, sitting down on Kaylee’s floral comforter and wrapping her arms around the tearful girl beside her.

“He called me this afternoon. He said he realized we should be doing our own thing in college. He didn’t want to hold me back.”

“Doing your own thing on the weekend he’s supposed to visit,” Shelby repeated, shaking her head at the utter selfishness of her best friend’s ex. “Why did you tell me you dumped him?”

“He didn’t want to hold me back,” Kaylee said again, tearfully. “B-but he posted a photo with this other girl on his snapchat 20 minutes later.”

That asshole. Shelby stroked her friend’s hair and let her cry into her shoulder. How could someone as beautiful as Kaylee be this distraught over some mediocre-looking idiot of a high school jock? She didn’t get it. But she wasn’t there to comment on her choice of boyfriends. Shelby backed up against the pillows lined up at the front of the bed, letting Kaylee burrow into her shoulder. Not caring that her tears were probably staining both of their sweaters.

They stayed like that for a long time. How long, Shelby didn’t know. But she kept her arms enclosed tightly around Kaylee, letting her sobs subside into hiccups, until finally, she was quiet, and Kaylee pulled back.

“I’m never going to find anybody else. Nick was my soulmate,” Kaylee said, eyes downcast.

“Kaylee, god, listen to yourself. Nick? Nick with the lucky socks on game day and big mac wrapper collection was your soulmate?” Shelby retorted.

“Yes.”

“No. He’s not your soulmate. There are one million better, hotter guys out there for you,” Shelby said firmly.

“But what if…what if me finding a guy isn’t the problem? What if…they don’t want to find me?” Kaylee said, keeping her eyes down. She smoothed her hand over a wrinkle in her covers and let her fingers trail off, tracing one of the flowers on her bedspread. Shelby watched, entranced for a minute, and then snapped back to best friend duties.

“Don’t be stupid,” Shelby said, rolling her eyes. “You’re gorgeous, you’re funny, and you’re the best surprise party planner in the Northwest. Other than the one you threw for Emma this summer. Before we realized how much she hates surprise parties.” She waited for Kaylee to crack a smile.

But Kaylee still wouldn’t look up to meet her gaze. “It’s me, Shelb. I’m the problem. Some people just aren’t the kind you fall in love with.”

Shelby looked at her best friend. With her eyes, big and blue, framed by long lashes. Her bouncing walk. And her smile, that was missing now, but that just took over her whole face, making her eyes scrunch up with joy.

Without even thinking, Shelby leaned forward and kissed her. Kaylee tasted like cherry Chapstick. And like salt. But mostly like Kaylee. Like the soft, sweet scent of her shampoo and that unmistakable _Kaylee-ness_ that she just recognized from knowing this person for a long, long time. Longer than Shelby cared to think about.

And Shelby froze, then. Suddenly thinking about it. And suddenly aware of what she was doing. She pulled back, fearfully meeting Kaylee’s eyes.

And Kaylee’s eyes were big and blue, and widened in shock. “Why…”

_Why did you just kiss me? Why didn’t you tell me you thought about me like this?_

“Why did you stop?”

And Shelby leaned in, and she kissed her best friend. For as long she cared to stop thinking about it.

\---

Shelby blinked, trying to clear last night’s mascara from her eyes, as she stared up at Kaylee’s ceiling in the light of the morning sun. Kaylee was curled up next to her, clutching her arm like a teddy bear, and Shelby felt her heart leap as she watched her brow furrow and then relax. Could she say that? Could she actually admit her heart was doing something when Kaylee did, well, anything?

Rolling over to check the time on her phone, Shelby felt Kaylee stir, opening her eyes and fluttering her lashes a few times. She wasn’t the only one with crusty mascara this morning.

It looked better on Kaylee.

“Hi,” said Shelby.

“Hi,” replied Kaylee, closing her eyes again. Then her eyes burst open, and she sat up, pushing the covers off and feeling aimlessly for her own phone. “What time is it?”

“Only like 11:30,” Shelby responded stretching her arms up and feeling the back of her head to check her curls. Oof.

Kaylee was out of bed then, rushing to the closet. She didn’t pause as she tripped over a stray shoebox, throwing open her closet door and rifling through the layers of clothes. “Oh my god, so late. What are you doing today? I think there’s a freshman social on the library quad this afternoon. We should go.”

Shelby stared at Kaylee for a minute. “Ok. But…do you want to…”

“Do I want to what?” Kaylee asked, turning around from her closet, now with arms full of romper options.

“Do you want to- I mean, can we- talk about last night?” Shelby asked carefully.

“About Nick? I’m over it,” Kaylee said, waving her hand. “I just needed to cry it out for a night. And I did!”

“Not about Nick,” Shelby said, a sinking feeling coursing through her body. “I meant, you know. About us.”

Kaylee’s smile dimmed for just a second. And then it was back. “Shelbs, we were both so wasted last night. I don’t think we really have to talk about it.”

Shelby stared at her. And Kaylee met her gaze. “We weren’t drunk. A couple drinks, yeah, but-“

Kaylee waved her hand again, “Shelby, come on. I was sad, you were there for me; I’ll have less to drink next time, let’s move on, okay? I’m going to brush my teeth. Just put on something from there,” she nodded towards the closet as she slid on her bunny slippers. As Kaylee padded off towards the bathroom, Shelby watched as each floppy step thumped her chest like a kick to the heart.

Shelby replayed the events of the party in her head as she changed her clothes from night. Last night…it was more chaste than any night she’d spent with a guy since she was 15. All they had done was kiss. Okay, and maybe some light butt grazing. But somehow it meant more to her than any of those times put together.

Right before they fell asleep, Kaylee had brushed her lips against Shelby's cheek. “You taste like citrus,” she had said. And Shelby had made a face.

“I don’t think I want to taste like citrus,” she replied.

“It’s a good thing,” Kaylee murmured, eyes fluttering as she drifted off. She leaned in closer and rested her head on Shelby’s chest. “Like an orange. An orange in your stocking on Christmas morning.”

Shelby could feel her heartbeat slowing to match Kaylee’s. Thump. Thump. Thump. Their hearts were always in perfect time.

But Kaylee was right. The breakup had made them both emotional (though why it affected Shelby she had no idea. It's not like she gave a shit what happened to Nick). Last night was just about being there for a friend. Show her affection in a time of need.

“Shelby!” Kaylee said, coming back in, now clad in a striped two-piece set. Shelby avoided looking at the bare strip of skin at her waistline. “Are you ready, or what?”

“Yeah,” Shelby replied, reaching for her sneakers. “Let’s go.” She followed Kaylee out into the hall, carefully shutting the door, and what happened last night, behind her. Kaylee was her best friend. And that was that. Right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who commented and left feedback!! this socially anxious bitch needs recognition to live

Shelby’s plan was just _not to think about it_. She was _not_ going to think about how she and Kaylee had kissed and kissed before falling asleep together. She was _not_ going to think about how the next morning she had agreed with Kaylee that it was just an act of friendship. And she most _definitely_ was not going to think about how she still hadn’t washed the sweater she wore that night, because she didn’t want to lose the smell of Kaylee’s shampoo that still clung to it.

Not thinking about it turned out to be particularly difficult when the following Monday, Kaylee was sprawled across her dorm room twin bed, reading a magazine quiz out loud while Shelby was trying to write an essay. And in Shelby’s very cramped freshman dorm, even sitting across the room from her put her about a foot and a half away.

Whoever said taking a bunch of random classes as an undeclared major was a good idea must have been high. This wasn’t helping her figure out what she wanted to do with her life; instead, she was stuck writing an essay on common agricultural practices while all she wanted to do was hop up on the bed next to Kaylee and…well, she wasn’t going to think about it.

“Ok, question four: what’s the best way to comfort a friend when they’re sad? A, with a movie marathon; B, by reminding them of all the good times you’ve shared; C, if they’re your friend they’ll never be sad; or D, kiss it better,” Kaylee read aloud. Shelby flinched at the final option, but Kaylee didn’t even blink. Seriously, how was she so completely unaffected by what happened between them?

“Uh, B?” Shelby offered, distracted.

“Aw, sentimental!” Kaylee cooed. “You’re cute.” Shelby winced.

“Okay, next one. At parties, do you usually a, play the host; b, mingle with crowds; c, start the dance party; or d, stand by the drinks table alone?” Kaylee asked, licking her thumb before flipping the page.

Yet another memory snuck in, this time of the miserable experience of waiting for Kaylee alone by the punch bowl. Shelby wondered what she had done to deserve this onslaught of reminders. Was this belated karma for being such a bitch to Emma back in high school? Wasn’t being Trent’s assistant stage manager for the Spring concert enough to expunge the universe of every bad deed she had ever done?

“Enough, Kay, I need to finish this paper.”

Kaylee dropped the magazine in her lap and groaned. “Ugh, don’t be such a bore! When did you become such a grade grind anyway?”

“When my parents said they’re not paying for school if I don’t start putting in more effort,” Shelby snorted. She was far from dumb, but she hadn’t really applied herself in high school. Okay, maybe that was an understatement- she’d signed up for every remedial class and blown half of them off to breeze her way through the past four years. But her parents were onto her, and she wasn’t about to start paying for her own college education, even with in-state tuition.

Kaylee rolled over onto her stomach and rested her chin on her hands, gazing at Shelby through long lashes. “Well, when you’re finished being a big nerd, want to get dinner? Tonight there’s Chick-Fil-A at the West dining hall!”

Shelby rubbed her neck, wincing. This desk chair was not kind to her already-tense muscles. “Don’t you have economics homework? I thought you had some big assignment?”

“I finished that ages ago,” Kaylee sighed. Figured. Kaylee, god help her, was not the sharpest knife in the drawer outside of the classroom. But she had a photographic memory and finished assignments faster than Shelby could ask “when is this due again?”

“I’m hungry,” Kaylee whined, not bothering to wait for Shelby to respond to her previous comment.

“Well, this is going to be at least another hour,” Shelby said, glancing at her laptop screen. The cursor blinked at the end of her first paragraph, reminding her she still had another few thousand words to go. One hour actually might have been a little too optimistic.

“That’s okay. I’ll wait for you,” Kaylee said, picking her magazine up again.

“You really don’t have to do that,” Shelby replied, glancing warily at the dog-eared pages curled in Kaylee’s hand.

“That’s what best friends are for!” Kaylee sang out. Ah, yes. Best friends. Who kissed. Which Shelby wasn’t thinking about.

“Ooh, I forgot to ask you. There’s a party at the Lambda Chi house on Friday night. Are you in?” Kaylee added.

“Is that the frat we went to last weekend?” Shelby responded hesitantly. Did she really want to return to the scene of where everything had began?

“That was Delta Sig,” Kaylee reminded her.

“Right. Yeah, sure,” Shelby sighed. Like she could really say no to Kaylee anyway.

“Yay! Ready for question 6?”

“Kaylee.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll let you finish your paper.”

\---

If this was a different fraternity house from last weekend’s venue, you couldn’t tell once you were inside. The beer-stained floors, peeling walls and broken stereo system either came built into to every place on the row, or all frat boys had the pretty much the same habits under their various Greek letters. Shelby’s head was already starting to spin from the loud music, and she hadn’t even had any alcohol. Yet.

“Let’s get something to drink!” Kaylee yelled over the thumping bass. “I think the kitchen’s this way.” She pulled Shelby through the crowded foyer, nearly bumping into a guy with tousled blonde hair in her haste to make her way across. Kaylee twisted sideways, trying to avoid his outstretched arm.

“Woah, you’re gonna hurt someone with those heels,” he said, grinning as he moved aside to let the girls pass.”

Kaylee giggled, easily charmed. “I’m a trained professional, don’t worry.”

The blonde guy laughed. “I figured. Can’t have legs like those without a little practice,” he replied, eyes trailing lazily up Kaylee’s body, lingering briefly at her chest before he met her eyes.

“Uh, excuse me. We’re actually trying to get some drinks,” Shelby interrupted. God, she did not have the patience for douchey frat boys tonight.

“Brandon’s got you. Be right back with some beers,” he said instead. Shelby tried to keep from shuddering at his use of third person. “Wait here!”

“I can get it my-“ Shelby started, but he was already heading back through the swinging door of the pantry.

“He’s kind of cute, don’t you think?” Kaylee whispered, craning her neck to try and spot him through the crowd of people between them and the kitchen.

“I need a drink,” Shelby replied, not really up to dissecting the physical merits of this guy after a 10 second conversation. Which was pretty unlike her. She and Kaylee had a strict rating system back in high school, and just a few months ago she could have easily dissected his every trait long before he opened his mouth. But for whatever reason, she couldn’t do that tonight. Not with Kaylee looking right past her to Brandon’s mop of golden waves.

And there he was, approaching them once again. He had an unopened wine cooler in each hand. “No beers left. But the party’s much better downstairs. You guys up for it?” he asked, handing Shelby her drink without a glance in her direction, then giving Kaylee’s hand a squeeze before placing the wine cooler in it.

Shelby stared daggers at him, but Brandon was otherwise occupied.

“Definitely!” Kaylee said. He grabbed her free hand and led her towards the stairs, Shelby following along right behind them and cursing this night under her breath.

“What’s cookin’?” a guy asked her as she passed him on the stairs.

“Shut it.”

The basement must have taken 15 flights of stairs to get to, but at least Shelby could hear herself think. She watched Kaylee plunk down on the leather futon, but before she could take the seat next to her, Brandon slid in. Fucking hell.

“Think there’s room by my buddy there!” he said, slinging an arm around Kaylee’s shoulder and pointing across the room. Shelby turned around to see a couch with every available cushion claimed by a different student. _Maybe_ there was a buttcheek’s worth of space in the corner.

“Doesn’t really look like it,” Shelby retorted, crossing her arms. Brandon didn’t budge.

Resigned, Shelby trudged over to the couch and squeezed in next to Brandon’s friend, angling herself as far away as possible from the spikes of his over-gelled haircut. He introduced himself to her (Shelby caught the name Matt, or maybe Mark?) as she stared at Kaylee, who was whispering something in Brandon’s ear.

“Man, it’s nights like this that I just wish I could go back to Hawaii,” Brandon mused to the basement crowd, gazing dramatically off into the distance. Shelby could scream. They were in a sweaty, underground room in a frat house. Like there was something mysterious and romantic about wall-to-wall carpeting.

“I’ve never been to Hawaii!” Kaylee said wistfully. “What’s it like?”

“Dude, Brandon’s like the king of that island,” the guy next to her offered. Sure he was. “He’s a surfing pro.”

Brandon shook his head in mock humility, his blonde locks scraping the tops of his ears. “Nah, man. The water is the real pro. I’m just lucky enough to experience the beauty of the waves.”

Shelby dug her nails into the arm of the couch.

“I never want to forget how lucky I am when I’m there, you know?” Brandon continued. “Like this bracelet. It’s an ancient relic passed down from the locals. It was given to me after I won my last surf competition.” He shook his wrist, the cheap-looking woven bracelet on it moving along with it.

“Ancient relic, huh?” Shelby repeated, exaggeratingly widening her eyes. “Tell me more.”

But now Kaylee was whispering in Brandon’s ear again. Shelby watched her lips, pressed right up against his earlobe, and felt the tips of her own ears get hot. She needed a distraction. She needed something else to do, and pronto, or she was going to rip out her own retinas.

“What’s your name again?” Shelby asked the guy wedged next to her on the couch. Before he could answer, she put her hand on his chest. “I’m going to kiss you.” She never was one to pull punches.

“Uh, sure,” he blinked rapidly, and she leaned in, pressing her lips against his and pushing her fingers through his hair. His short, gel-hardened hair that felt like she was sticking her fingers in a wad of gum. Ugh. Shelby moved her hands to his face instead and caressed the stubble on his cheeks. He groaned against her lips and Shelby shifted her position, moving into his lap and letting his hands rest on her hips. His tongue was darting towards her lips and she automatically opened her mouth, feeling him pull her closer all the while.

He was a decent kisser. She liked the feel of his hands gliding up and down her back, his lips tugging on hers and his hips square underneath her. And yet she wondered what Kaylee was doing. She broke apart from his lips to kiss his neck, and as he tilted his chin upwards, muttering “holy shit” to himself, her gaze darted to her left to see Kaylee’s head resting in Brandon’s lap. She was laughing at something he was saying, and he looked far too pleased with himself for Shelby’s liking. He was stroking her leg and as his hand got higher up on her thigh, Shelby felt a swell of anger rise in her chest. She pushed away from the guy beneath her.

“Gotta go, sorry,” Shelby said, sliding off the couch and straightening her shirt. Was that self-tanner on the collar? Could this guy cool it with the products?

“Wait, what?” he said, confused. “Is it that time of the month?”

She didn’t have time for this. Shelby removed his hand from her ass and marched across the room towards Kaylee, tapping her on the arm that wasn’t intertwined with Brandon’s.

“Kay, we should head out. It’s late.”

Kaylee sat up, giving Brandon a mouthful of her hair in the process. He sputtered, pushing it away from his lips, and Shelby wanted to slap him. Like he was even good enough to touch a single hair on Kaylee’s head.

“Now? We’ve been here for, like, 10 minutes. I don’t want to go yet,” Kaylee said, glancing at Brandon. She pulled another strand of her hair off his face and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

“Yes, now. It’s an emergency,” Shelby said, tugging her friend’s arm free from Brandon’s and catching his stupid woven bracelet in the process.

Kaylee frowned. “What’s going on?”

Shelby hesitated, scrambling to come up with something that would get her, and more importantly, Kaylee, out of there.

“It’s Emma,” she fibbed. “Her grandma’s dying and she’s in hysterics.” She felt momentarily bad for fictionally killing off, or almost killing off, Betsy, who made some dope snickerdoodles, but figured potentially jinxing Emma’s grandma was worth it to get out of this place.

“Oh my god,” Kaylee gasped, untangling herself from Brandon and reaching for her purse. “Let’s go. Have you spoken to her? Is Alyssa with her? Are they going back home?”

Shelby let Kaylee pull her up the enormous staircase, towards the front door and out into the street. She followed as Kaylee raced her towards Holmes Hall and up the stairs to her room. She took her time taking off her shoes and plunked down on Kaylee’s bed (now with a polka dot comforter; when had Kaylee changed it?). But when Kaylee sat down beside her and pulled out her phone to call Emma, Shelby had to grab her by the shoulders.

“Wait, Kay. Emma’s fine,” Shelby said quickly.

“Her grandma is dying; I don’t think she’s fine,” Kaylee said, scrolling through her contacts frantically. “Why is this taking so long? Contacts should be alphabetized by first names!”

“I meant that Betsy’s fine,” Shelby said, yanking the phone of her hands before she could press ‘dial.’ “Don’t bother Emma with a phone call.”

“What do you mean? You said it was an emergency,” Kaylee insisted, crossing her arms over her chest. Her eyes narrowed.

Shelby put Kaylee’s phone down on the desk and pursed her lips. “I, uh, was mistaken.”

Kaylee stared at her. “Did you make up some awful lie about Emma’s grandma to get me to leave?”

Shelby rolled her eyes. “All I said was that she was dying. That doesn’t count as awful. I didn’t go into details, okay?”

Kaylee glared at her. “I got worried for nothing! I broke a nail getting out of that frat house!”

Shelby glanced down at her friend’s light pink manicure. Her left thumbnail was chipped. Oh, god.

“I’m sorry,” Shelby said quickly. Kaylee did not take kindly to people messing with her gel tips. “I just had a headache and I needed to get out of there.”

“Well, why did you have to drag me with you?” Kaylee glowered. “I was having fun.”

“With Brandon,” Shelby said, rolling her eyes again.

“Yes, with Brandon,” Kaylee said, straightening up and staring angrily at Shelby. “What’s so wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” said Shelby. “If you like fake surfer dudes with bracelets that you can buy at any dollar store in between here and New Mexico.”

“God, what’s your problem?” Kaylee complained, exasperated. “I just broke up with Nick-“

“He broke up with you.”

“_We_ just broke up, and I just want to have some fun. Is that so wrong?” Kaylee said, raising her voice.

“_Fun_ doesn’t have to include shitty frat guys with bowl haircuts,” Shelby said, her voice going up an octave as her faced flushed.

“He’s cute and he was interested in me! Sue me for appreciating that!” Kaylee said, practically screaming now.

“Brandon is an asshole. You can do better!” Shelby yelled back, leaning in close enough to count the faint freckles across her friend’s cheeks.

“Well then, where is he? Huh? Where’s this much better guy?” Kaylee shouted, throwing up her hands in disgust.

Shelby grabbed the sides of Kaylee’s face and pulled her in, kissing her hard enough to send them both toppling back onto the bed. Suddenly Kaylee’s thigh was between her legs, and Shelby clutched at her waist as their kiss deepened. Kaylee’s fingernails were digging into her back and her back was arching towards her, and holy fuck, this was hot. Kaylee was hot. Shelby didn’t know who had taken whose shirt off first, or who left the first hickey, but she did know that this felt so. Damn. Good.

Kaylee’s hands were sliding through Shelby’s hair, fingernails scratching against her scalp, and all Shelby could do was groan and pull her in even tighter. She switched the angle of their kiss, rolling over so that Kaylee was pinned beneath her. Shelby pulled back from Kaylee’s lips, breathing hard, with her hands pressed next to Kaylee’s shoulders and her legs straddling Kaylee’s toned thighs.

Shelby gazed down at Kaylee, whose eyes met hers with a hungry gaze. Shelby could see her lipstick smudged on Kaylee’s chin, and she reached out to rub it off. Kaylee caught her hand, gripping her thumb tightly, and Shelby melted at her touch. She dove back down, slipping her tongue between Kaylee’s lips and sucking hard on the bottom one. Kaylee, for her part, was slipping her hands lower and lower on Shelby’s back, desperately holding on for dear life as Shelby kissed her way down her throat, her chest, her stomach…

Shelby paused at Kaylee’s hips. The moonlight glinted off the button of her jeans, winking at her. Would she…could she?

Shelby’s hand hovered just Kaylee’s waistband. “Can I…” she trailed off, not sure how to ask. All at once, she was afraid to keep going and afraid to ever stop.

Kaylee didn’t say anything for a minute. But then she lifted her hips, angling them closer to the girl above her. Her eyes were closed.

Shelby didn’t move. She wasn’t going to make any assumptions here.

Kaylee’s eyes stayed shut. But her lips parted as she dropped one single word: “Please?”

And Shelby knew she was a goner.

\---

This was the second weekend in a row she had woken up in Kaylee’s bed. Shelby snuggled deeper into the covers and turned to her left, only to realize that this time, there was no Kaylee cuddled up next to her. What? Where the fuck could she have gone? They spent the night in Kaylee’s room.

The bedroom door handle began to turn, and Shelby sat up, alarmed, pulling the covers up to her chin. She was fully clothed- well, shirtless, but wearing a bra- but she still felt exposed in her friend’s bed after last night.

Last night. Oh my god. Her head started to spin. There was kissing, there was touching, there was…definitely more interaction than the first time their lips had touched.

The door opened, and Kaylee walked in. She had a yoga mat under one arm and her hair up in a messy bun. She was glowing, without even a trace of wine-cooler induced lethargy. “Morning, Shelbs!”

Shelby gaped at her friend as she dropped the mat and grabbed a towel from her dresser, kicking her shoes off as she headed off to the bathroom. “Wait- where did you go? _When_ did you go?”

“Early morning yoga class!” Kaylee said, clapping her hands. “Oh my god, it’s the best. Marissa? The instructor? She’s, like, my new idol. She’s got the coolest workout wardrobe. Do you think lululemon would ever do a Kmart exclusive line?”

Shelby felt around on top of the covers for her t-shirt. “You didn’t- we- you just left?”

“You were sleeping!” Kaylee replied easily. “I didn’t want to wake you! I’m going to go shower, okay? Yoga is fun, but sweat city, am I right?” She started to move towards the door.

“Wait,” Shelby started. “Before you- just wait. Can we talk about last night?”

Kaylee paused. “What about it?”

Shelby ran her fingers over the coverlet, wondering what it was about Kaylee that made her want to simultaneously tear her hair out and cover her in kisses. “We…” How was Shelby supposed to say it? “…did some stuff,” she finished lamely. Why couldn’t she just come right out and say it, when she’d never had a problem being candid before? Then again, what did you even call what she and Kaylee were doing? This was _so_ not as clear cut as her high school hookups.

Kaylee’s brow creased, then relaxed. “Yeah, we’re pretty good at kissing for a couple of straight girls!” she laughed. “God, frat parties really do something to a person.” Without a backwards glance, she walked into the suite bathroom and shut the door behind her. “Can you plug my phone in?” she called, and Shelby heard the shower start and a Britney classic come on as Kaylee’s shower radio kicked in.

Shelby glanced at her friend’s light pink phone case, tossed carelessly onto the padded desk chair. She paused, inhaling deeply before responding. “Yup,” she called back. Her mind drifted for a moment to last night. To Kaylee’s hands intertwined with hers as she moved between her legs, kissing her way up her thighs. And then Shelby got up to plug in Kaylee’s phone and went back to doing what she did best: not thinking about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave me with your thoughts to let the dumbassery continue


	3. Chapter 3

Shelby was starting to have the strong suspicion that _not thinking about it_ wasn’t a very good plan. 

Sunday movie night on the couch in Kaylee’s living room was supposed to be a typical Bring It On viewing (Kaylee was very vocal with her opinion that Bring It On: All or Nothing was the best film in the franchise, but experientially, it was necessary to watch every movie in order of release date. And Shelby wasn’t about to argue with someone passionate enough to rank the Bring It On sequels). But it didn’t feel like a typical movie night this time, even though the scene looked as it always did. Shelby was sprawled across the left side of the couch, with Kaylee’s head in her lap as she fast-forwarded through the DVD previews. But this time, Kaylee’s head in her lap felt…unsettling. When Kaylee asked Shelby to French braid her hair, Shelby had to say no, or risk far too many thoughts crowding into her already very full brain.

“Why not?” Kaylee pouted, sitting up to look at her friend.

Shelby avoided her gaze. “I’m tired. I don’t think I’m up to the task of braiding tonight, sorry.”

“Why didn’t you say so?” Kaylee said, sympathetic. “Here, you can rest on me!”

“I don’t think-“ Shelby started, but Kaylee was already pulling her down onto her lap and gently tugging out her hair tie.

“Lucky for you, I’m up to braiding. God, you’ve got the most gorgeous hair, Shelb,” Kaylee sighed, running her hands through her friend’s curls. 

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. What was she supposed to do now? Shelby laid as still as possible while Kaylee relaxed further back on the couch. Her hands started to roam, stroking the soft curls at Shelby’s temples, tracing from the part in her hair to the tops of her ears. Kaylee’s hands were gentle as she drew her fingertips across her forehead.

Shelby kept her eyes wide open, straining to avoid letting out a single sound, and tried to focus on the movie. But it was like all of sudden, Missy’s long legs and Torrance’s ultra-blue eyes were taunting her. Did these girls always have such enticing smiles? And did those smiles always resemble Kaylee’s own infectious grin? She felt Kaylee’s fingernails rake across her scalp, just like they had on Friday night, and Shelby closed her eyes, shuddering. She bit her lip to keep the moan trapped in her throat from getting out.

Kaylee seemed to have no idea what she was doing to Shelby, or she had improved dramatically as an actress since Trent’s disaster of a summer improv class. 

“Jesse Bradford is so hot,” she said, watching him talk to Kirsten Dunst on screen.

Shelby felt her heart, which had been racing like a freight train only seconds before, slow to its regular pace. She reached up to gently untangle Kaylee’s fingers from her dark curls as she straightened up, removing her head from Kaylee’s lap. 

“The hottest,” Shelby agreed, glancing at Kaylee. Kaylee’s eyes were locked on the TV screen, and Shelby smiled softly as she watched her lips move in time with the characters’ dialogue.  
She was so focused on watching Kaylee that she jumped when the door next to the television suddenly opened a crack. Damn communal living rooms. 

“Sorry!” a girl said, timidly poking her head out to reveal a sock-bun and face mask. “I was just going to watch a movie for my Cinema Studies course. But I can do it tomorrow morning instead.”

Kaylee reached for the remote, pausing the movie mid-stunt. “Don’t be silly, we can watch in my room!”

Shelby glared at the girl’s green face, panic rising in her throat. “We’re busy. Watch tomorrow.”

Kaylee swatted her, muttering, “Shelby, don’t piss my suitemates off.” Aloud, she added,“Give us a minute to clean up!”

Kaylee popped their current movie from the player while Shelby tried to control her breathing. Great. Back in Kaylee’s room. Because things had gone so well for them there already.

“Can you get my other DVDs? I’m going to get my laptop ready!” Kaylee said, bouncing towards her door. Shelby slowly picked up each DVD from the stack, stretching cleaning up out enough to get another, “Sorry, it’s for an assignment!” from Shelby’s neighbor. Taking her time was all she could do at this point. Because if Shelby admitted to herself that Kaylee’s room was where she really wanted to be…

But she could only gather up DVDs for so long. Shelby dragged her feet through Kaylee’s door, trying to think pure, unsexy thoughts. Like of church. Oh shit, she and Kevin had sex in the chapel last year. Kaylee was sitting down on her bed, patting the comforter as she beckoned Shelby over. Oh, god. 

Thank god Kaylee liked to watch movies with all the lights on. There was nothing romantic about fluorescents.

“Hurry up! They’re about to brush their teeth!” Kaylee said impatiently. Shelby couldn’t help but laugh, taking a seat beside her. The tension in that scene had been their idea of romance for all of middle school. Keeping careful track of her best friend’s proximity, Shelby wrapped her arms around her knees, trying to be subtle as she cocooned herself away. She didn’t want Kaylee asking too many questions about her sudden lack of physical contact. 

As the movie played on, Kaylee grabbed Shelby every few minutes to squeal over each scene, moving closer all the while. When she laughed, she threw her head back, finally resting it on Shelby’s shoulder. 

_Do not think about her shampoo_, Shelby told herself sternly. She focused on the movie, managing to block out the part of her brain that wouldn’t shut up about the last time they were in Kaylee’s bed, until finally the credits started to roll.

“I think I’m going to head out,” Shelby said, moving the laptop aside and sliding off of Kaylee’s bed.

“Already?” Kaylee said, glancing over at her with a frown.

“Yeah, I’ve got an early class tomorrow,” Shelby lied. Her first class wasn’t until the afternoon, but she needed to end this night before anything else could start.

“Well, alright, if you need to,” Kaylee sighed. “Do you want to watch the sequel tomorrow night?”

“Sure,” Shelby said. Anything to get out of there. Kaylee stood up then, picking Shelby’s sweatshirt off the bed and handing it to her. As Shelby reached for it, their hands touched, and Shelby felt the warmth of Kaylee’s fingertips brush against hers. She jerked back, sliding her arms through the sleeves and turning away swiftly from Kaylee’s piercing gaze. 

“I’m just going to use your bathroom first,” she said quickly, striding towards the bathroom and leaning against the door as she tried to calm her racing heart. She thought of ice cream, and snow-cones (why were all of her first thoughts of food?) and ice-cold showers. Anything to cool her down. She was fine. This was fine. Shelby washed her hands, drying them off on Kaylee’s strawberry-printed towel when her nerves were calm. 

When she walked back out into Kaylee’s room, the lights were off. 

“Kay?” Shelby managed. Her heart started to speed up again.

“I’m here.”

Shelby stepped further into the room, and Kaylee came forward, wrapping her arms around Shelby and nuzzling into her neck. Shelby closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of Kaylee’s sweet perfume.

“Can you stay a little longer?” Kaylee whispered.

Shelby’s hands, which had been hanging loosely by her sides, came to rest on Kaylee’s hips. She bit her lip, keeping her eyes shut tight. And then Shelby slid Kaylee’s arms from her shoulders so that she was free to lay down on the comforter.

Kaylee crept up to meet her, laying down carefully by her side and scooting close enough to rest her forehead against Shelby’s. Shelby heard her take a soft breath in, like she was about to say something, but Kaylee was quiet.

“What is it?” Shelby asked, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind Kaylee’s ear.

“You look pretty in the moonlight,” Kaylee whispered, tugging on one of Shelby’s curls.

Shelby slid her hand into Kaylee’s, marveling at the softness of her skin. She leaned in to press a soft kiss to her cheek. And as their lips met again and again, she wondered if Kaylee knew how pretty she herself looked when she tipped her head back and mumbled, “Yes. God, yes.”

\---

Shelby stayed over in Kaylee’s room the next night, too. And then the night after that. And for the third night in a row, Shelby couldn’t sleep. Despite the fact that Kaylee’s mattress was twice the size of her cramped twin, the electricity of her best friend’s presence kept her wide awake.

At 8:00 AM, Kaylee’s alarm started, and Shelby watched as she grumbled softly and tapped aimlessly at her screen before it shut off.

“God, I could use some coffee,” Kaylee groaned, rolling over to press her face into her pillow. Shelby watched her chest rise and fall and felt her own breath catch in her throat. She fought the urge to lean in and kiss the back of Kaylee’s neck, imagining moving aside her tousled waves aside and pressing her lips beneath them.

Kaylee’s shoulders tensed ever so slightly, and she rolled over, sitting up and stretching her arms out above her.

“I better get dressed.”

“Do you…want to get some breakfast?” Shelby asked, desperate to hold on to the last remnants of the previous night.

“Nah, I’m just going to eat a power bar on the way,” Kaylee said, waving her hand as she slid out from under the covers.

“Well…okay,” Shelby said, unsure of what to do now. “I could walk with you.”

Kaylee pressed a hand to her chest. “You are so sweet. But I know you have a morning class too, so I don’t want to make you late!” Right. Shelby’s usual early class excuse. Which was supposed to stop her from sleeping over, and yet, again, had failed.

“I messed up- that’s tomorrow,” Shelby said quickly. “So it’s not a problem.” She waited to see what Kaylee would say.

Kaylee was pulling on a ruffled top, and she poked her head out to look at Shelby. “Okay, if you want to! I could use the company.” Kaylee slid her arms through the sleeves of her shirt and reached for her phone, typing in her password. 

“Do you think going on Tinder at eight in the morning looks desperate?” she asked, frowning down at her screen.

“Tinder?” Shelby echoed. “Wait, why are you on Tinder?”

Kaylee looked up at her briefly before gazing back down at her phone. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m not with Nick anymore.”

“But we…last week. Last night,” Shelby sputtered.

Kaylee was swiping at her screen, not bothering to look up. “Don’t worry, I’ll still have time to hang out with you in between dates, okay?”

“That’s so not what I’m worried about,” Shelby snapped. 

“Well then, what?” Kaylee asked absentmindedly, distracted by the profiles in front of her. “I feel like this guy has to be lying about being a black belt. He looks too scrawny.”

What Shelby wanted to say was that she was more worried about Kaylee’s head on her pillow, Shelby’s own head between her thighs, and why neither of them could talk about it during daylight hours.

“I just think-” Shelby started.

And then she stopped. Because she didn’t even know what to say at this point. What did she want from Kaylee? Shelby herself didn’t really know.

“I’m going to get dressed. And then we can go, okay?” Shelby said finally.

Kaylee was back to scrolling through Tinder. “Sounds good!” she chirped.

Shelby grabbed another borrowed set of clothes from Kaylee’s dresser and marched into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She wasn’t in the mood for chirping.

\---

Shelby was realizing that it was probably time to get another person’s opinion on things. So she did what she had always done back in high school when she had a problem: called Alyssa. She wasn’t sure if calling a lesbian about girl problems was insulting or flattering (she was new to this whole ‘falling asleep with girls thing’, okay?) but figured Alyssa would humor her either way.

Shelby drummed her fingers on her desk as she waited for an answer to her FaceTime call. _Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up_, she prayed silently to whatever god might be listening. Her gaze darted to the other side of the room, where her roommate lay snoring at four in the afternoon.

“Shelby?”

“Alyssa!” Shelby almost screamed. “Hey! How are you?” Her roommate lurched out of bed at the sound of her voice and glared at her. Shelby scowled right back.

“I’m good! It’s so nice to hear from you! How are your classes?”

“Fine. They’re fine,” Shelby said, raising her voice even more as she glanced over at her roommate. If Shelby spoke loudly enough, maybe she’d just leave. “How are yours?” Her roommate sighed exaggeratedly and swung her legs over the side of the bed, stomping her way over to the door and slamming it shut on her way out.

“They’re great!” Alyssa said, her face lighting up. “I have this amazing professor for Anthropology, and-“

Shelby let Alyssa gush for a minute before she had to put an end to the academic talk. “That’s awesome. Can I ask you something?” Shelby interrupted. 

“Uh, sure?” Alyssa responded. “Something wrong?”

“No,” Shelby said quickly. Her mind raced as she tried to figure out how to phrase the question “It’s just…this is actually something, the only thing, really, that you might know more about than me.”

“What, calculus?” 

“Girls,” Shelby said, letting out a breath.

Alyssa raised an eyebrow, but she didn’t pause for a second. “I’m listening.”

“I…something happened. With a girl. A couple of times. And it was unexpected,” Shelby said, her words coming out in short bursts as she tried to hold back from spilling everything, including the name of said girl something had happened with.

“You kissed a girl?” Alyssa clarified.

“A lot more than that,” Shelby snorted. What was this, elementary school?

“You had sex with a girl,” Alyssa corrected herself.

Shelby frowned. “What counts as sex between two girls?”

“I don’t think I want to go there,” Alyssa responded with a slight grimace. “We’re getting uncomfortably close to the territory we were in at the end of senior year, where you guys took the whole ‘ally’ thing way too far.”

“I would tell you all the details about sex with Kevin, so I was just extending the same courtesy to your relationship with Emma!” Shelby retorted, offended. Everyone knew the best way to tell your friends you accepted their relationship was to ask for details of what they did in bed.

“I never wanted to hear about sex with Kevin!” Alyssa said. “You volunteered it without any prompting! Usually while I was trying to eat my sandwich at lunch.”

Shelby groaned. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry that _back in high school_, which was _ages_ ago, I told you more than you wanted to know about my relationship with Kevin. Can we please get back to the subject at hand?”

“It wasn’t that long ago,” Alyssa muttered. “But yes, we can. Should we just say hooked up? You hooked up with a girl?”

“Fine, okay, I hooked up with a girl,” Shelby agreed. Hooking up felt like a safe term. It could mean anything, from making out, to pants removal, to-

“So what’s the question?” Alyssa said, interrupting her thoughts of Kaylee pinned beneath her.

“My question is if it means anything. To me. Or to her.” Shelby said, not meeting Alyssa’s eyes. 

“I don’t know enough about the situation,” Alyssa said, pausing as she eyed Shelby sympathetically. “But do you guys hang out outside of hooking up?”

“Yes.”

“Does she make you laugh?” Alyssa continued.

“Yes.”

“Do you think about her all the time when you’re not with her?”

Shelby took a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Well, I can’t speak for her, but I’d say it means something to you,” Alyssa said gently. 

“I don’t think that’s necessarily true,” Shelby argued. “And I think _she thinks_ it’s a friendship thing. Really putting the ‘friends’ in ‘friends with benefits,’ you know?”

Alyssa sighed. “Dear god. Okay. Do I know this friend? Half the freshman class must be from our high school, so…”

“You don’t know her,” Shelby said before she could finish. “I met her at orientation.”

“Well, what’s her name?” Alyssa prodded.

“She was never given one,” Shelby snapped.

“Shelby, if you’re not going to be honest with me, I can’t-“

“Hi Shelbs!” Kaylee’s voice rang out clear as day as the door behind Shelby opened. Shelby nearly jumped out of her chair.

“God, Kaylee, how did you get in here?” she asked, heart racing. Wasn’t there supposed to be a proctor outside the entrance of her building? What about student safety, for god’s sake? Shelby regretted ever complaining about having a snitch in her lobby.

“Stephanie let me in!” Kaylee said cheerfully. From behind Kaylee, Shelby’s roommate’s head peeked out. Shelby didn’t know what was more surprising: that the asshole had a name or that she could continue to make Shelby miserable without even trying.

“She seemed really desperate to get in here,” Stephanie said, scowling as usual. “Next time you have a guest, don’t expect me to be your delivery service.” She turned around to leave and slammed the door shut. Typical.

“Is that Alyssa? Hi Lys!” Kaylee squealed, pointing at the FaceTime call Shelby had forgotten was still going. _Fuck._

“We were just finishing up; bye Alyssa!” Shelby managed before ending the call and slamming her phone down on the desk. “What’s up, Kay?” she croaked.

“You weren’t answering my texts, so I needed to make sure you were okay!” Kaylee said, her eyes soft as she rested a hand on Shelby’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you’re fine! Because it’s karaoke night at the Chi Omega house! Want to go?”

“I have to study,” Shelby said, tapping her Geometry textbook. Hopefully Kaylee wouldn’t notice that the plastic cover was still on it.

“Do you want to go later, after you finish studying?” Kaylee pushed. Even on a Wednesday, Kaylee was ready to sprint to a party.

“It’s probably going to take the whole night,” Shelby said, avoiding looking at her friend. “Big test coming up and all.”

“Aw, I get it,” Kaylee said, disappointed. “Dinner tomorrow?”

“You got it,” Shelby said, slapping a grin on. 

Kaylee gave her shoulder a squeeze and headed out. Shelby watched the door shut behind her. She waited until she couldn’t feel Kaylee’s touch lingering on her shoulder, and then finally checked her phone. She had two missed calls and seven texts, all from Alyssa. “Call me,” was the last one.

Shelby called her. Alyssa picked up on the first ring.

“Did you hook up with Kaylee?”

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just gals being pals ~
> 
> if you've commented/left kudos/said anything nice to me ever, my kelby loving heart thanks you


	4. Chapter 4

“Did you hook up with Kaylee?”

Shit, shit, shit. How had Alyssa possibly guessed that Kaylee was the girl Shelby was hooking up with?

“Of course not!” Shelby snorted in response to Alyssa’s question. “Don’t be an idiot.”

Shelby could hear Alyssa’s frustration through the phone. “Shelby, how long have we been friends?”

“Obviously not long enough,” Shelby snapped.

“Shelby, please. I saw the way you looked at her on the FaceTime call,” Alyssa insisted. “It’s the same look you had on your face before you finally admitted you had been secretly hooking up with Kevin under the bleachers after football games.”

“You only saw us together for a quarter of a second!” Shelby argued. Her defenses were starting to crumble at the possibility of loosening her secret burden, but she told herself sternly to build them back up. Alyssa was not getting this out of her. No way.

“Well, a quarter of a second was long enough. I could tell something went on between you two. So spill. How did it happen? _When_ did it happen?” Alyssa prodded.

“It didn’t happen,” Shelby insisted.

“Shelby.”

She didn’t respond.

“The fact that you haven’t hung up yet makes me think you’ve got something to say,” Alyssa said gently. “So if you do, I’m just going to ask one more time. When did it happen?”

Shelby paused, inhaling deeply through her nose and letting it out through her mouth. “The first week of school,” she blurted. Relief at finally talking about it flooded her chest.

“Wow,” Alyssa said.

“Are you looking at me differently? You can’t look at me differently!” Shelby barked.

“I’m not!” Alyssa insisted. “I’m surprised, okay? You’re both my friends. But this doesn’t change anything.”

“Well, good,” Shelby exhaled. She wasn’t here for a come-to-Jesus, coming out sob story.

“I just want to say that I’m really proud of you for-“

“I swear I’m hanging up right now if you make this into a big deal,” Shelby warned.

“I’m not making it into a big deal! But do you want to talk about it?” Alyssa asked carefully.

“Not really,” Shelby said.

“Alright, I won’t push. How’s Geometry?” Alyssa offered instead.

“Fine, let’s talk about it.”

“So you kissed the first week of school,” Alyssa said. “And you’ve, you know, done other things since?”

“A few times,” Shelby said, closing her eyes.

“How?” asked Alyssa.

“Well, when two girls are on a bed together-“ Shelby began.

“I’m not talking about the mechanics of your sex life,” Alyssa said quickly. “How did you go from being best friends to...more than that?”

“We’re still just best friends,” Shelby said back.

“Oh my god, Shelby, if I could smack you through the phone, I would,” Alyssa groaned. “What circumstances led to you hooking up? Is that clear enough?”

Shelby sighed exaggeratedly. “We were supposed to meet Nick at this party when he came to visit our first weekend on campus. But then Nick didn’t show up. Because he broke up with her.” Two hours before he was supposed to arrive. Shelby was still heated over it.

“She told me she dumped him.”

“Well, she lied about it to me, too. And she probably would have kept lying about it, but she started crying when we got back to her room that night,” Shelby said, remembering how painful it was to see Kaylee with that crushed look on her typically sunny face. “So, I was just comforting her. Being a good friend.”

“Right, gals being pals and all that,” Alyssa sniffed. “And then...?”

“And then Kaylee said that she was the problem. And that no one else could possibly like her.” It made Shelby’s heart ache just to recall Kaylee’s words. How could someone like Kaylee even think she was unlovable? “And I just…I couldn’t let her think that.” Because, again, she was being a good friend. And then it turned out she might have felt more than just friendship in that moment.

“So...”

“So I kissed her. And that was it that night. But then the next week...” Shelby trailed off.

“Things got more physical?” Alyssa supplemented.

Shelby didn’t respond.

“Can I ask you something personal?” Alyssa said after a moment’s pause.

“I’d say we’re getting pretty personal over here already.”

“Look, are you both…enjoying yourselves when you’re hooking up?”

Shelby let out a short burst of laughter. It was so unlike Alyssa to ask something like that; she almost checked her phone to make sure she didn’t accidentally dial someone else. But Alyssa appeared to be serious. “It’s good,” Shelby said, and paused. Well, for Kaylee, anyway. And god, did she like watching Kaylee. “It’s...it’s really good. But also, after it’s over? It’s like....I also feel emotional? I’m not used to that.”

“Yup, I know how you hate feeling things,” Alyssa said. “And I can’t comment on Kaylee’s feelings. But does she ever…initiate?”

Shelby closed her eyes and pictured Kaylee sliding her arms around her neck. “Yeah.”

“Oh, boy. And do you want-” Alyssa asked.

“If I knew what I wanted I wouldn’t have called you in the first place,” Shelby snapped, cutting her off.

“Have you guys even talked about what’s been going on? Or are you just pretending it’s not happening and then climbing into bed together?” Alyssa said, exasperated.

Shelby winced. “I mean, she did once say that we’re pretty good at kissing for a couple of straight girls after I spent the night?”

There was a long, long pause after that one. Finally, Alyssa spoke again. “I’m definitely not going to tell you that you have to label yourself as anything. But Shelbs? If you’re enjoying having sex with a girl, and you also have an emotional attachment to her, you’re probably not straight.”

“Why can’t two people hooking up just be a hook up? Why does it have to mean something?” Shelby said, feeling the sudden urge to curl up into a ball on her bed and listen to John Mayer.

“Probably because you love her,” Alyssa said plainly.

Oof. That was going a bridge too far. “I don’t love Kaylee. I’m hooking up with Kaylee. And she’s my best friend. Other than you, of course.” Shelby added hastily, her voice raising.

“Shelby, for God’s sake, what do you think getting emotional over hooking up with your best friend is?” Alyssa yelled into the phone.

“Friends with benefits! Best friends with benefits!” Shelby screamed back.

“I’m calling Kaylee. I’m going to call Kaylee right now, and merge the calls, and the two of you are going to talk about what’s happening,” Alyssa said.

“Alyssa, you can’t!” Shelby said, panicked. “She can’t know that I…have feelings.” God, was she pathetic or what?

Shelby could hear Alyssa pacing through the phone. “So what’s your plan, then, Shelby? Just to keep hooking up with her at night and then waving good-bye as she goes to meet guys from Tinder the next morning?”

“How did you know about the Tinder guys?” Shelby asked, perplexed.

“She’s actually on Tinder? Shelby, you have to say something. You can’t keep this up forever,” Alyssa said.

“But she doesn’t feel the same way,” Shelby said softly. “I mean, for god’s sake, Alyssa, she called us straight girls.”

Alyssa let out a deep, shuddering breath. “I know. Believe me, that was equally disturbing for me to hear.”

“So I can’t tell her this is starting to mean something.”

“Oh, Shelbs, I think we’re way past _starting_ to mean something. And if she doesn’t feel the same way, it’s going to suck. But at least you’ll know,” Alyssa said gently.

Shelby closed her eyes. “I can’t lose my best friend.”

“If she’s really your best friend, either way, you’re not going to.”

\---

Shelby was in Kaylee’s bed again. She really hadn’t meant to end up there. But Kaylee had asked her to come over the night before, and as usual, Shelby found her very difficult to turn down.

“I’m in the mood to watch a scary movie tonight,” Kaylee had said when she called Shelby at 6:00 PM.

“Have fun with that,” Shelby snorted. Kaylee was known for suggesting a scary movie and then putting a pillow over her head five minutes in.

“Will you come watch with me?” Kaylee said, her voice sweet as sugar.

“Kay-“ Shelby started.

“Please? You know how I am with scary movies. I need moral support. Please? Come hold my hand?”

Fuck. But Kaylee could have asked her to come over to clean the bathroom and Shelby would have been there with Windex and a smile.

So Shelby came over to Kaylee’s dorm. And climbed the stairs up to her room. And let Kaylee snuggle up to her on her bed with a laptop between them. It didn’t take long before the movie was turned off, the lights were down, and various articles of clothing were strewn around the room.

In the middle of the night, Shelby was awake, as per usual. Kaylee appeared to be sleeping soundly, her head tucked into Shelby’s shoulder. Shelby coughed, adjusting her position so that Kaylee was beside her instead. It was better to move Kaylee now, before she woke up in the morning and pulled herself away. When Shelby wanted her there the most.

“Shelbs? Are you awake?” Kaylee whispered. Okay, so she wasn’t as deep a sleeper as Shelby thought.

“Yes,” Shelby said, staring up at the ceiling.

“Thanks for holding my hand.”

Shelby got up early the next morning, while it was still dark out, to use Kaylee’s shower. As she stood under the pounding water, trying to rinse out thoughts of Kaylee from her stupid brain, she tried to figure out how long she could go without telling Kaylee how she was feeling. The thought of continuing on like this was awful, but the thought of stopping was worse.

Kaylee was awake, dressed and looking at her phone when she walked out of the bathroom. As Shelby plunked down on the bed next to her, Kaylee angled her screen reveal a guy’s Instagram profile. “What do you think of him?”

Shelby glanced down to see photos of a basic-looking college guy holding up sea creatures of various sizes. “There’s something a little fishy about him.”

“Cute, Shelb. He’s kind of sweet though, right? Like, he’s got a nice smile in this one of him with a flounder,” Kaylee continued.

“How do you know it’s a flounder?” Shelby asked.

“It’s in the description.”

“Ah.”

“So, what do you think about him?” Kaylee asked her again.

“Why am I looking at him in the first place? Why are you on his profile?” Shelby asked, flopping back onto Kaylee’s pillow. It was too early to be looking at anything, let alone at the Instagram profiles of idiots with far too much aquatic access.

“Oh, we’re going on a date this weekend,” Kaylee said flippantly.

Shelby shot up from the pillow, her stomach lurching. “Wait, what? When did this happen?”

“We set it up yesterday,” Kaylee said.

“Before or after you asked me to come over and watch a scary movie with you?” Shelby muttered under her breath. She closed her eyes again as she heard Kaylee typing out a text. She didn’t think she could handle it if she had to see her writing to fish boy.

“Anyway, I have to get to an early morning study group session. I’ll talk to you later!” Kaylee said, poking her on the shoulder. She hopped off the bed and reached for her backpack, slinging it over one shoulder. Shelby watched her reach for her bedroom door and shut her eyes tightly, trying to block out images of Kaylee giggling over a Frappuccino with some guy.

“Wait.”

Kaylee turned around at the sound of Shelby’s voice. “What’s up?”

“We need to talk,” Shelby said, keeping her eyes closed so wouldn’t lose her courage.

“About what? I have a meeting,” Kaylee said, a trace of impatience in her voice.

“Well, can we talk tonight? It’s important,” Shelby asked, her stomach quaking as she opened her eyes. “Maybe somewhere a little more private? Like a restaurant off-campus?” She wasn’t about to have this heart-to-heart where anybody she had to see in Economics could hear her.

Kaylee tilted her head to one side, considering. “Okay. Applebee’s?”

“Sounds good,” Shelby said, letting a shaky breath out. “Pick you up at 7:00?”

“I’ve got an evening class,” Kaylee said. “Meet you there?”

“Sure,” Shelby managed. “See you then!”

“See you then!” Kaylee echoed with a smile as she headed out the door. “I missed our BFF-catch-up dinners!”

Shelby let herself fall back onto Kaylee’s pillow. And then screamed into it.

\---

An hour before she was supposed to meet Kaylee, Shelby was pacing back and forth in her room in an attempt to calm her nerves. Unfortunately, the size of her dorm meant she could go about two feet before turning around. Fucking freshman doubles.

Shelby’s hair was done (curls were perfectly scrunched), her dress was on, and her makeup was perfectly applied, but she still felt naked. She couldn’t do this. Yes, she could do this. No, she definitely couldn’t do this.

Mind racing in every direction, Shelby FaceTimed Alyssa. She needed to hear she was doing the right thing from the person who had gotten her into this mess of a confession dinner.

Her call went unanswered. So she dialed again. Unanswered. Shelby pressed redial for the second time. She didn’t care if Alyssa was in a third-world country rescuing orphans, she better pick up the fucking phone and help her through this travesty of a-

“Shelby, can I call you back?” Alyssa’s voice came through as she _finally_ picked up her friend’s desperate call.

“I’m getting dinner with Kaylee tonight,” Shelby said in a rush. “I’m going to tell her how I feel. About our hook-ups. And about her in general.” She waited for Alyssa’s reaction.

There was a long pause. “I really wish you would have let me call you back. I, uh, have company,” Alyssa said sheepishly. The camera panned to the other side of her bed, where Emma was seated. Open-mouthed. As she caught sight of Shelby, her mouth snapped shut, and she gave an awkward wave.

“Hi, Shelby, what’s new with you?” Emma asked weakly.

Oh, god. “Sounds like you know what’s new with me,” Shelby said, closing her eyes. It wasn’t bad enough that Alyssa knew about Kaylee; no, Alyssa’s girlfriend also had to know what Shelby and Kaylee had been up to when the lights were off.

“No…” Emma said, glancing at Alyssa helplessly.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Now everyone can just know that I have feelings for my best friend, who, by the way, I’ve also been hooking up with for the past couple of weeks. And who is currently setting up dates with boys on Tinder. Which is why I’m telling her how I feel. So that I don’t have to keep looking at their fish-covered Instagram profiles.”

“Uh.” Emma looked like she wanted to crawl under the bed she was sitting on. Shelby knew she should probably be grateful Emma hadn’t already known before- Alyssa had kept Shelby’s secret, even from her girlfriend. But at this moment, she wished Alyssa was a little less trustworthy, just so she didn’t have to be the bearer of this news.

Alyssa turned the phone back to her face. “Forget everything else. You’re going to talk to Kaylee tonight! That’s great! I’m proud of you,” she said.

Shelby wanted to keep bemoaning what had just happened, but honestly, she was afraid she would run out of time before Alyssa could talk her through this. “I’m sorry I interrupted you guys.”

“I get it; this is a big deal,” Alyssa said, waving her off.

“I just needed to hear that I was doing the right thing,” Shelby said. Instead she had accidentally revealed herself to yet another person. Lovely.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Alyssa confirmed. “Communication is key.”

“Thanks, Dr. Phil,” Shelby said sarcastically. “Sorry. I know you’re trying to help.” She let out a deep breath. “How do I even start?”

“Well…just tell her that it’s time to discuss what both of you already know is happening. She’s an equal participant in this; she’s just not talking about it,” Alyssa said, looking determined.

“Okay, and then what?” Shelby asked, her chest tightening as she pictured saying all of this to Kaylee.

“And then, I think you have to tell her that it’s not just physical. You have feelings for her,” Alyssa offered.

“But what if she-“

“You can’t control how she feels, but you can at least stop driving yourself crazy,” Alyssa told her firmly.

“Fuck. Okay, I can do this,” Shelby said, trying to sound surer of herself than she felt.

“Oh, Shelbs, can you hold on? I just got a text that says our pizza is here. Back in a minute!” Alyssa said, passing her phone off to Emma.

Emma stared uncomfortably at Shelby. “How’s Indiana?”

“What counts as sex between two girls?”

Emma choked.

“Alyssa wouldn’t talk about it with me,” Shelby added.

Emma looked upwards, and Shelby saw her mutter something, potentially “kill me now.”

“Well?” Shelby said.

“Did you keep your socks on?” Emma offered.

“Good-bye, Emma,” Shelby said, pressing ‘end’ on the FaceTime call.

It was time to go meet Kaylee. Now or never.

\---

When Shelby walked into Applebee’s five minutes early that night, her stomach sank when she caught sight of Kaylee’s dark hair. She was already seated. Shelby thought she’d have a couple of minutes to herself. Wishful thinking.

“Can I help you?” the hostess asked.

“No,” Shelby said, striding towards Kaylee. As she got closer to the table, she could feel her heart speeding up. Damn her racing heart. She wished organs came with an off button.

Kaylee glanced up at the sound of her footsteps approaching. “Hey, Shelbs! Pretty dress!”

“Thanks,” Shelby said, lingering for a moment before sliding into the other side of the booth. “You too. I mean, I like your dress, too.” She wanted to smack herself in the forehead but managed to refrain.

“Is it from Dress Barn?” Kaylee asked.

“No, Sears,” Shelby said.

“Well, it’s super cute.”

She finally had gotten Kaylee at dinner, alone, on the presumption that they were going to talk about something important. And neither of them could say anything more than four words about Shelby’s stupid dress.

“Listen, Kay-“ Shelby started.

But Kaylee wasn’t listening. She was craning her neck, looking right past Shelby. What was she staring at? The only thing back there was the bathroom.

“Kaylee?” Shelby asked. She didn’t know if it was a good sign or not that Kaylee couldn’t look her in the eye. Was it too late to conference call Alyssa into this dinner?

“Shelby, I need to tell you something,” Kaylee said, her gaze finally returning to meet Shelby’s. “It’s not…I mean…I just…I sort of ran into someone on the way here.”

Shelby’s eyebrows shot up. “You ran into someone on the way to our private dinner meeting?”

“Yes?”

Shelby took a deep breath. And then she turned around, very carefully, to see Nick emerging from the bathroom.

He caught sight of her and waved, oblivious to the stabbing pain in her chest. “Hey, Shelby. How’s it going?”

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the socks are for you, prom discord


	5. Chapter 5

Nick. Nick was here. Nick, who had dumped Kaylee just a few weeks ago out of the blue, leading to this entire mess they were in today, was in Applebee’s. Approaching with the same big smile and the new addition of a knee brace during what was supposed to be Shelby and Kaylee’s private dinner. 

“What the _fuck_ is he doing here?” Shelby hissed, leaning across the table to Kaylee.

Kaylee gave a helpless shrug. “I tried to tell you-“

“Kaylee, I swear to god-“

“Shelby! It’s been a while. How are you?” Nick said, sliding in next to Kaylee in their booth. He slung an arm around her shoulder as he grinned at Shelby from across the table. So much for the guys on Tinder being her competition. Shelby contemplated killing Nick, and then herself, before determining that there were probably too many witnesses. Damn Applebee’s and their semi-crowded dinner hour.

“Fine. Just fine, Nick,” Shelby said instead, keeping her tone as neutral as possible as she crossed her arms over her chest. ‘Been a while.’ It hadn’t been anywhere near long enough for Shelby. “Where have you been again? Jackassville?”

“Jacksonville,” Nick said. His smile drooped.

“My mistake. What brings you back to Indiana?” And why couldn’t Nick have stayed far, far away?

“You know, Florida is great, but it doesn’t have this girl,” Nick said, giving Kaylee’s shoulder a squeeze. Kaylee’s face, which had had a slightly pinched look on it, brightened as she smiled back at Nick. Shelby’s own face started to crumple.

“You’re sweet,” Kaylee said, resting her head on Nick’s shoulder. The same way she had been resting it on Shelby’s for the last few weeks.

“So adorable,” Shelby said, leaning forward to prop her chin up on her hands. “Such a shame you couldn’t make it here for that planned visit during our first week of school.”

Nick gave a lopsided grin. “Sometimes a little distance just shows you how much someone means to you.”

“Really, Nick,” Shelby said. “You are the sweetest. Just too much.”

Nick frowned. Shit, she wasn’t as subtle as she thought. “Did I do something, Shelby? I’m sorry I didn’t order your drink before you got here, but I couldn’t remember if you like diet or regular Coke.”

“I like Pepsi,” Shelby snapped, leaning back and crossing her arms. “I’m just a little confused. First you dump Kaylee the weekend you’re supposed to be visiting, and now all of a sudden, you’re some knight in shining armor?” If Shelby had a sword and shield, she would have used both of them to club Nick over the head.

“It was a mutual split,” Nick replied.

Right, it looked really mutual when Kaylee was crying in a heap on her bed. 

“And I’ve seen the error of my ways.” Where did he get these lines from? Googling how to get back together with your ex?

“I mean, your timing is a little suspect. You’re saying this little visit has nothing to do with the brace on your knee?” Shelby said crossly.

“You think I came home to see Kaylee because I’m injured?”

“No, I think you’re off the football team for the season and your dating prospects dried up, so you came home to grovel,” Shelby wanted to say.

But she couldn’t. Not while Kaylee was smiling at him like that. No matter how much it hurt to see. “No, I don’t think that,” Shelby sighed. “It’s just- I’m just hungry, I guess.”

Nick still looked petulant. “I really am sorry,” he mumbled.

“Tell Shelby what you’ve been up to!” Kaylee said, poking him. As Nick launched into a story about football, injuries, and a sign from above that led him to take a trip home, Shelby tuned the conversation out. Nick was the same boring, milquetoast guy she remembered. And he still wasn’t good enough for her best friend. At least nothing there had changed.

But Kaylee didn’t seem to think so. She was nodding eagerly as he spoke, looking like she couldn’t be more interested in his story about a broken washing machine in his building and his heroic effort to save it.

Shelby stared at her best friend, trying to figure out what the hell she could see in this guy. And more importantly, what Kaylee could see in this guy that she wasn’t seeing in Shelby. 

“So, I miss playing football, but the new construction job I got has been really great,” Shelby heard Nick say as she tuned back into his droning. “I’m a little slower while my knee is healing, but I never skip arm day.” Nick flexed the bicep that wasn’t wrapped around Kaylee’s shoulder, and Kaylee giggled, reaching over to push his arm down.

“Show off,” she said, batting her lashes. Shelby swallowed hard. 

“Hi there!” a cheerful voice rang out. A waitress appeared with a notepad and a pen at the ready. “You guys all set to order?”

Shelby glanced at her unopened menu. Sitting across from Kaylee and Nick, she wasn’t the least bit hungry. “Not yet.”

“Well, I’m ready! Quesadilla burger and a side of boneless wings!” Nick said cheerfully. “Got to bulk up.” Ugh. “Babe, what do you want?”

She wasn’t his babe, asshole.

Kaylee didn’t seem to mind. “I’ll get the grilled lemon chicken! Ooh, and a Caesar salad to start.”

The waitress turned expectantly to Shelby.

“Didn’t I just say I wasn’t ready to order?” Shelby snapped.

“Well, the rest of your table ordered,” their server pointed out.

“Fine, I’ll take a salad,” Shelby said flatly.

“What kind of salad?”

“One with lettuce.”

After their waitress stalked off (Shelby prepared herself for her salad to taste like spit), Nick grinned at Shelby once more. She glared back at him.

“So, are you still cheerleading?” he asked.

“No,” Shelby replied.

“Oh.” Nick drummed his fingers on the table. Shelby was perfectly happy to let him sweat, but Kaylee piped in.

“We thought about trying out for the team, but then we realized cheerleading just felt so high school. I’m ready to try something new.”

Nick relaxed. “That makes sense. Like dance team, or something?”

“I can do other things besides just kicking my forehead,” Shelby told him. She actually missed the high kicks of her high school cheerleading routines, but she wasn’t about to admit that to Nick.

“I know that,” he said. “You can kick your ear, too!” Nick laughed. Shelby did not.

“We’ve just kind of been getting used to campus. You know, classes, going to parties, that kind of thing,” Kaylee offered.

Getting used to campus. Right. That was what had been occupying Shelby’s time.

“Starter salad!” Their waitress materialized out of nowhere as she slid a small plate in front of Kaylee. 

“Ooh, yum!” Kaylee trilled. “Thanks!”

“Where’s my salad?” Shelby asked, glancing up at their waitress.

“You mean your lettuce plate? It’s coming out with the entrees.” Fuck. Now the only thing she had to occupy her was a conversation with Nick.

“So, how do you like your dorm?” Nick said, trying to make conversation.

“It sucks,” Shelby said flatly. She didn’t mention that she wasn’t sleeping there most nights, anyway.

Kaylee picked a crouton off her salad and reached towards Nick. He leaned forward and she popped it in his mouth, watching him chomp away before wiping her hands off on his napkin.

Shelby couldn’t take five minutes more of this. “Oh no, I’m getting a phone call!” she said, staring at her phone in mock surprise. She pushed herself out of their booth.

“I didn’t hear anything,” Kaylee said, confused.

“My ringer is on silent,” Shelby said as she backed up. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Shelby grabbed her purse and marched to the back of the restaurant, where she could collect herself and her thoughts before her nausea returned. She checked her email, her call logs, and even her long-forgotten steps tracking app. Anything to get her away from Nick and Kaylee and their sickening love display for just a few minutes. She paused at her voicemail, which hadn’t been cleaned out in years. Her oldest saved one was from a number she didn’t recognize. Shelby pressed play and held the phone to her ear.

“Hi Shelbs! It’s Kaylee.”

Oh, god. She was inescapable. Shelby had forgotten that Kaylee had gotten a new phone number a few years back. She went to delete the message, then hesitated. She hit play to resume it instead.

“Are we meeting to go over the routines before tryouts tomorrow? I thought maybe we were, but then I thought I should call you to double check. I could really use your help. I’ll be your best friend! So, you know. Call me back. Love you. Oh, it’s Kaylee, by the way. Did I already say that?” _Click_.

Shelby closed her eyes, savoring the sound of Kaylee’s voice in her ear. A Kaylee she knew before everything became so complicated. She hit play on the voicemail again.

Speak of the devil. Kaylee was walking towards her. Shelby slid her phone into her pocket and tried to look casual.

“Shelby, what’s going on?” Kaylee asked. As she got closer, she placed a gentle hand on Shelby’s shoulder.

Shelby shrugged her off. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

“You’re obviously not,” Kaylee retorted. “So what gives?”

“Seriously, I’m fine,” Shelby said, running a hand through her curls. She couldn’t stop herself from adding, “Obviously. Because there’s clearly nothing out of the ordinary that happened tonight.”

“If you’ve got something to say, say it,” Kaylee said, arms crossed.

“This was supposed to be a chance for us to talk,” Shelby said, frustrated. “I asked you if we could have dinner tonight, in private, and of all people, you bring Nick?”

“I didn’t bring Nick!” Kaylee said quickly.

“Get your story straight!” Shelby cried. “He was just saying he came home to visit you. Or did you not hear him say ‘Florida doesn’t have this girl’?”

“I swear, I didn’t know that,” Kaylee insisted. “I mean, I did find out today that he was coming home. But I wasn’t going to bring him to dinner! He just showed up when I told him where we were meeting.”

Shelby stared at her. “I just can’t believe you’d even talk to that rat after what he did to you.”

“People make mistakes!” Kaylee said hotly.

“Some mistake.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He broke up with you hours before he was supposed to be visiting! And then hooked up with another girl! He didn’t even try to hide it from you.” Shelby snorted.

“We don’t know that he hooked up with someone. He just posted a photo with a girl on his Snapchat,” Kaylee said.

“Twenty minutes after dumping you.”

“He’s apologized!” Kaylee said, stamping her foot.

“What happened to fish boy?” Shelby asked.

“Who?

“The guy with the flounder on Instagram!” Shelby yelled. 

“Oh, him. Well, if Nick is back in the picture…” Kaylee shrugged.

Shelby just shook her head. “I can’t believe you.”

Kaylee stared at her defiantly. Finally, she spoke. “If you were really my best friend, you would support me.”

“Your best friend is supposed to protect you,” Shelby shot back.

“Well, I’m not asking you to protect me! I’m fine. No one is getting hurt here, okay?” Right. No one except Shelby.

“What about when he dumps you two weeks from now?” Shelby pointed out.

“That’s not going to happen,” Kaylee said easily.

“How do you know that? Oh, right, because the knee brace is on for the next few months.” Shelby said, her eyes boring into Kaylee’s. 

“That’s not fair,” Kaylee mumbled, dropping her eyes to the floor.

“Stop defending him!” Shelby insisted. “He’s not worth it!”

“Shelbs, please,” Kaylee said. “Can’t you just be happy for me? Besides, even if we break up again, that’s what having my best friend nearby is for!”

Shelby looked back at her. She just…couldn’t do it anymore. “Kaylee, if you were really my best friend, you would stop dancing around the fact that we’ve been having sex for weeks.

Kaylee reeled back like she’d been slapped. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“I don’t know what you think you’re talking about-” Kaylee began.

“Save it,” Shelby said, interrupting her. “Don’t think that just because you’re some pillow princess, you can blow this off. You’re in this just as much as I am.”

Kaylee sniffed. And then paused. “I don’t know what a pillow princess is. But just because we’ve had some fun on a couple of drunken nights-”

“Oh my god, Kaylee, listen to yourself.” Shelby hissed. “You can’t chalk it up to a drunken mistake if there’s no alcohol involved! And Jesus, it’s been more than a couple of nights.” She’d barely spent a moment in her room after dark since the second week of school.

“Can’t we just…talk about it later? After dinner? Why are you doing this now?” Kaylee pleaded. 

“No, we can’t just ‘talk about it later,’” Shelby said. “We haven’t been talking about ‘it’ since ‘it’ started and I’m sick of all of this pretending. I’m realizing…I just, I realized…” 

“What? What did you realize?” Kaylee demanded.

“That I love you,” Shelby blurted out. Kaylee’s eyes widened as she looked at her.

“What?” Kaylee asked slowly. 

Shelby’s first impulse was to walk it back. To say she had misspoken. But she couldn’t lie to Kaylee anymore. “I love you,” Shelby repeated. God, it felt good to say it. She sent a silent apology to Alyssa, who had been right all along.

Kaylee was shaking her head, fast, like she was trying to block out a buzzing in her ears. “No. No, you don’t. Stop messing around.”

“I’m not messing around, Kaylee,” Shelby said, straightening her spine and looking Kaylee right in the eye. Well, as much as she could while Kaylee was still flapping her head like a cocker spaniel. Now that she had said it once, she wanted to say it 1000 more times. But not until she knew how Kaylee felt. “I love you. Are you honestly telling me you don’t feel the same way at all? That you don’t feel _anything_ for me?”

Shelby expected a lot of things from Kaylee when she said that. Disbelief. Anger. Denial. The last thing she expected was…laughter.

“Shelby,” Kaylee said. She was starting to giggle, and Shelby felt her heart wrench. “Come on.”

_Don’t cry, don’t cry,_ Shelby told herself. “What? What is so funny about all of this, Kaylee?”

Kaylee glanced over her shoulder. Back at Nick. “Has it been fun? Yeah. But…it doesn’t mean anything.”

Hot tears pricked at the corner of Shelby’s eyes. “It doesn’t mean anything. Got it.”

“Wait, Shelbs, that came out wrong,” Kaylee said quickly. She still looked like she was holding back a laugh. 

“No, I’m pretty sure that came out exactly how you meant it,” Shelby said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Kaylee was not going to get to see her cry. Not after this.

“I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just that…you know you’re my best friend,” Kaylee said, reaching out to touch her cheek. Shelby jerked away. “I mean, this wasn’t real, you know? We were just having a little fun. I thought that’s how you felt, too, anyway. I mean, we’re both straight, so-“

Shelby grabbed Kaylee by the shoulders. “Stop it. Just- stop it. I’m not straight, okay? And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think making up excuses to get your best friend into your bed sounds very heterosexual, either.”

Kaylee had a helpless look on her face. “Shelby, I’m sorry. I didn’t think-“

Shelby dropped her arms from Kaylee’s shoulders. That was exactly it. Kaylee didn’t think. About Shelby, about their hook-ups, about any of it. Because she didn’t feel the need to. Whereas Shelby was fighting every moment to keep thoughts of Kaylee from her mind. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Shelby said finally. A single tear escaped from her left eye, and she brushed it away angrily. “Now we know where we both stand.”

“Shelby-“

“Enjoy your private dinner with Nick. I hope his fucking burger arrives undercooked,” Shelby said, pushing past Kaylee and making a beeline for the exit.

“Everything go okay with your phone call?” Nick asked as she passed their table.

“Drop dead,” Shelby said back. She kept walking. And wished more than anything that it was her sitting in the booth, waiting for Kaylee to return, instead.

Right before she walked through the front door, she turned around to look at the scene she had left behind. Kaylee was back at the table now, once again sitting next to Nick. Her head was on his shoulder.

\---

When Shelby got back to her dorm room that night, she laid face-down on her bed and threw her covers over her head. This was where she was going to be spending the rest of her days from now on. No classes, no food, no nothing. Only wrinkled sheets and a cramped mattress. It was what she deserved for being so stupid.

Stephanie let out a deep snore in the bed beside hers. Okay, so she’d have to get up eventually to move her roommate’s body after she murdered her. But aside from that small task, she was home free.

_Buzz._ Who the fuck was texting her at this hour? Shelby removed her covers only to check her phone. Okay, it was only 9:00. But still.

"How did it go?" From Alyssa.

Shelby clicked on Alyssa name and hit FaceTime. Immediately, she saw Alyssa’s hopeful grin pressed next to Emma’s on her phone screen.

“Hi,” Shelby said, her voice hollow.

Alyssa’s grin dropped. “It didn’t go so well.” She swung the camera so it was pointed solely at her.

Shelby stared at Alyssa, fury creeping up in her chest. “No. No, it did not ‘go so well.’”

“Shelby, I-“

“It went horribly. Are you happy now?”

“Shelby, wait, can I-“ Alyssa started.

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s done, okay? Everything is finished. Because now, not only is what I had going on with Kaylee over, my friendship with her is too.” Shelby snapped, tears starting to form in her eyes again. Damnit. How did you turn those off?

“Shelby, I’m so, so sorry,” Alyssa said. “But whatever happened, your friendship doesn’t have to be over. She might just need some time.”

Shelby tried to laugh. A sob choked out instead.

Alyssa was looking at her with so much sympathy that Shelby wanted to hit her. “This must be awful, I know,” Alyssa said.

“No. No, you don’t know,” Shelby said back. “You have a girlfriend. Who is also your best friend. And you guys are sickeningly happy.”

“Shelby, please, I don’t think-“ that was from Emma, off camera. Alyssa shushed her.

“No, speak up, please. I’m really interested. Let’s hear more thoughts on this disaster of a night and how both of you can relate to my heartbreak and humiliation.”

“I mean, prom?“ Emma mumbled.

Shelby winced. Even distraught, she could still feel guilt over _that_. “Sorry,” she said lamely. Fresh tears sprouted from her eyes.

Alyssa bit her lip. “I really am so sorry, Shelby. I just thought you would be happier if you didn’t have to keep walking on eggshells, not knowing what was going on.”

“Well, maybe I liked not knowing what was going on.” Tears were running down Shelby’s face now. She didn’t bother to wipe them away. “Maybe the not knowing was worth it as long as I was with her.”

“Oh, Shelby-“

“Forget it,” Shelby said. She pressed end and tossed her phone onto her desk. She heard a crack that, yep, was definitely the screen shattering.

At this point, she couldn’t care less. The shattering of her heart was more than enough.

\---

At some point Shelby must have fallen asleep, because it was light out now. Her pillow was either covered in tears or drool, and honestly, Shelby was hoping for drool. She hated to think of her roommate hearing her cry all night.

“Heard you crying all night,” Stephanie said from her bed. Wonderful.

Shelby didn’t bother to respond. She reached over to grab her phone from her dresser, remembering as she picked it up that she’d cracked it during her breakdown last night. Well, she wasn’t about to leave her room to get the screen replaced, so her phone would just have to make do with being mediocre. Just like she was doing.

Through the web of cracks, she could make out several missed calls and texts, all from Emma and Alyssa. 

“Butt out,” she wrote to both of them. Then she went back to sleep.

\---

Shelby figured she could last at least a week in her bed before she cracked, but she had underestimated how annoying her roommate was. Turns out that while Shelby was in classes, Stephanie was eating her hoarded pepperoni and listening to Russian folk music. Every hour of every day. 

It would have made her laugh if she had any semblance of a sense of humor left.

After two days of garbled, off-key singing and a sore nose from pinching her nostrils shut, Shelby got up, changed her clothes, and headed back to class. Maybe she should have been thanking her roommate for getting her back to civilization.

Nah, Stephanie was still the worst.

Sitting in Econ 101, Shelby found that classes were far easier to pay attention to when she wasn’t distracted by thoughts of Kaylee’s hands in her hair and legs wrapped around her waist. But Shelby would have repeated her freshman year ten times over if it meant getting that back.

Her phone buzzed with another text.

“Shelby, I’m sorry. Please talk to me.”

Kaylee? Shelby’s heart leapt. But it was just Alyssa.

\---

When Alyssa called her two days later, after a brief moment of contemplating smashing her phone again, Shelby picked up.

“Please don’t hang up.”

Shelby took a deep breath. “I’m not going to.”

“I am so, so sorry. I never should have-“ Alyssa started.

“Stop,” Shelby said, cutting her off. “I’m not going to let you do that, okay? What happened wasn’t your fault.” She thought about making a joke, like “It’s Emma’s fault! She told me it didn’t count if we had socks on!” but she wasn’t in the mood.

Alyssa paused, caught-off guard. “Um, I appreciate that. I’m still sorry, though, that you’re going through this.”

Shelby closed her eyes. “Don’t be sorry. I was the one who caught feelings. I was the one who told Kaylee about those feelings. I did it to myself. I’m the joke.”

“Shelbs, you didn’t do anything wrong. You can see that, can’t you? You told her how you felt, and she didn’t reciprocate. That doesn’t make you a bad person.” Alyssa said.

“She said it didn’t mean anything,” Shelby said. Tears were welling up in her eyes again. “I’ve got to go, bye.”

“Shelby!” Alyssa said. “Don’t you dare hang up just because you’re getting emotional. I’m here for you, okay? You don’t have to run.”

Shelby didn’t respond, but she didn’t get off the phone, either.

“What Kaylee said to you was awful-” Alyssa started.

“Wow, I had no idea,” Shelby snorted, cutting her off. What, did she think Shelby had taken it as a compliment? Her inability to shut off the waterworks should have made the pain clear enough.

“Let me finish!” Alyssa insisted. “What she said to you was awful, but it also doesn’t sound anything like Kaylee. I can’t imagine she meant that.”

“Um, if I’m being honest here, it sounds exactly like Kaylee. She sort of tells it like it is.”

“Bullshit,” Alyssa said flatly. “Kaylee will avoid talking about things as long as she can lie about it. She did back in high school when she didn’t make the varsity cheer team her first go around. She did it when Nick dumped her. And I think she’s doing it with you.”

“So what?” Shelby snapped. “You think she fell in love with me too, but couldn’t face up to it, so she told me it was all for fun?” Shelby tried to laugh at the end so Alyssa wouldn’t be able to tell that that was exactly what she wanted most. It sounded phony even to her.

Alyssa saw right through her attempt at a cover up. “I don’t know how Kaylee feels. But you’re not a joke, Shelby. And whether Kaylee is ever going to face up to it or not, what you guys did, or had…it meant something, okay?”

“What, were you in bed with us?”

“Okay, Shelby, enough with the sarcasm. I didn’t have to be. I heard how you talked about her,” Alyssa said.

Shelby tried not to cry again. “What am I supposed to do now? I mean, she hasn’t even texted me since I told her how I felt. That was days ago.”

“Well, leaving your room might be a good start,” Alyssa offered.

“Been there, done that,” Shelby said.

“Wow. I’m impressed,” Alyssa said. “Then the hardest part is already over.”

Shelby glanced down at her nails. The polish she had carefully applied before meeting Kaylee for their dinner was chipped beyond belief. Kaylee would have been chastising her if she was here. Shelby appreciated that Alyssa was trying to make her feel better and all, but she was wrong about the hardest part of this. It was waking up every day without Kaylee beside her. And there was nothing Shelby could do to change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not writing a kissing scene between the Dumb Bisexuals was a real bummer for me, not gonna lie, but ~Plot~


	6. Chapter 6

Shelby’s days were starting to blend together. Wake up, go to class, back to sleep. Wake up, go to class, back to sleep. She almost went to the gym once but didn’t even make it in the front door. She thought she had caught a glimpse through the window of Kaylee on an elliptical. Back to bed it was.

The monotony of it all should have been comforting after the confusion of the prior weeks, but Shelby missed it. Missed her.

_Don’t think about it,_ Shelby told herself when she started to become lost in thoughts of Kaylee’s smile. Or her bright eyes. Or the way her hair looked in the morning after Shelby had spent the night in her bed.

Alyssa had been checking in with her every day. Somehow, she’d gotten into to an Indiana State Facebook group, and every night she sent Shelby links to events happening on campus in an effort to get her back to engaging with the rest of the world.

Shelby checked her phone when she woke up in the morning, and sure enough, there was another text from Alyssa.

“There’s a bonfire by the fraternity houses tonight!!” Shelby read. Pass.

Alyssa wasn’t the only one keeping tabs on her. Emma and Shelby had never really texted much before, but suddenly she had a new cat video in her inbox every other hour.

“I like dogs,” Shelby had texted back after the third straight day of kitten footage.

_Buzz_. A video of a puppy trying to climb out of a sandbox appeared.

Shelby cracked a smile. It faded when it crossed her mind that she wished she could send the video to Kaylee.

\---

When Shelby woke up on Friday, she had a text, as usual, from Alyssa. But instead of another text about goat yoga or a sorority luau, this one just said, “Call me when you see this.”

Shelby called her.

“I’m coming to visit this weekend!” Alyssa said when she picked up.

Shelby frowned. That was seriously going to impede her ability to mope around from today through Sunday. She got her best sulking in when she didn’t have class to distract her. “Why?”

“Because it’s been two weeks, and even from New York I can tell you’re not in a good place. So I’m coming to visit,” Alyssa said.

“When did you decide that?” Shelby asked.

“Two minutes before you called me.”

“You don’t have to do that. I’m sure a last-minute flight is really expensive,” Shelby told her.

“New York to Indiana? Please. They’re practically paying me,” Alyssa snorted.

“I’m fine, honestly,” Shelby insisted.

“Shelbs, I love you, but you’re not a good liar. I’m coming to Indiana,” Alyssa said.

“Well, I don’t really have any room for you in my dorm,” Shelby sighed, glancing around her room. “I guess I could fit a towel in between the beds?”

“A generous offer, but I’m going to crash at my Mom’s. I’ll just drive up to campus,” Alyssa said back.

“You’re willing to stay with Veronica Greene on your own volition for me?” A flood of affection for her friend filled Shelby’s chest. Alyssa’s willingness to put up with her mother just for Shelby meant even more than the surprise visit.

Alyssa laughed. “Hey, she’s not so bad now. The other day she asked me about Emma. She actually refers to her by name now, and not just as ‘that girl.’ Progress.”

“Aw.”

“I know, she’s really grown.”

“Well, if I can’t change your mind…” Shelby said.

“You can’t.”

“Alright, when are you getting in?” Shelby asked.

“Tomorrow morning. I’ll text you when I’m on campus.” Alyssa said.

“Thanks, Alyssa,” Shelby said, grateful.

“You don’t have to-“ Alyssa started.

“Yeah, I do. Thank you.”

\---

Shelby was on her way back from her final class of the day when her phone buzzed with a text from Alyssa. Already?

“Change of plans! I took an early flight.”

Alyssa moved fast. Shelby quickly typed, “I’ll show you around campus! Want to meet outside my building?”

“I’m already at the football stadium. See you by the bleachers!”

Shelby wrinkled her nose. She tried to avoid anything that reminded her of her high school cheerleading days. And, more specifically, her co-captain during her high school cheerleading days. But whatever.

“Be there in 15,” she wrote back. She headed in the direction of the field.

\---

Campus was large enough that Shelby was wiped out by the time she reached Memorial Stadium. She paused to catch her breath, scanning the area for a familiar face. There were a few clusters of students milling around near her, but she didn’t recognize anyone. Alyssa wouldn’t be with a group, anyway. Across the field, Shelby thought she could spot a lone figure perched by the snack stand.

“Are you by the food?” she texted Alyssa.

“Yes,” was her immediate response.

Shelby sighed. But she made her way to the other side of the arena. As she approached, her chest seized. What she couldn’t spot from yards away was that the lone figure was not, in fact, Alyssa.

It was Kaylee.

What was she doing there? Shelby froze, rooted to the spot she was in. She wanted to turn right back around and run all the way back to her dorm room. But then Kaylee’s head turned, and her eyes met Shelby’s. And Shelby knew that there was no way she could leave now.

_Buzz_. Another text from Alyssa. This time, though, it was a group text. To both her and Kaylee. “Time for you two to talk. For real, this time.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Shelby texted her, separately.

“I know you both have more to say. Sorry. You’ll thank me later. Like tomorrow, when I actually arrive in Indiana,” Alyssa wrote back.

Alright, so Shelby only had to wait one more day to smack Alyssa in person. Fine. She glanced warily at Kaylee, who was fidgeting as she perched on the bleachers. Finally, Shelby sat down beside her.

Neither of them spoke. And Shelby was not about to be the one to break first. _Say something_, Shelby thought. _Anything._

“I was worried I would be bad at it,” said Kaylee.

“What?” Shelby asked, confused. Sure, she had wished Kaylee would just say anything, but okay, could she get a little context here?

“Girls. You. I don’t know. I was worried…I don’t know what I’m doing, okay?”

Shelby peeked at Kaylee out of the corner of her eye. “What?” she said again.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Kaylee repeated.

“With what?” Shelby asked. She was tired of being the one to open her heart. Kaylee was going to have to spell it out for her today.

“When we’re hooking up, okay? I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You-”

“And I like what we’re doing, but I don’t know how to do any of it. I don’t get it. It’s new, alright? And you’re…good at things. At everything. And I’m a mess. I don’t know what I’m doing with my hands, or- or anything else. I don’t even know what anything else is. I don’t know how to do this.” Kaylee’s face was turning red, and she looked like she was about to burst into either laughter or tears at any moment. Probably tears. Shelby rested a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down. Relief at finally hearing Kaylee admit to their hook-ups was flooding through her, but her heart ached for Kaylee in the words she was hearing in her acknowledgement.

“I don’t know what I’m doing either, okay?” she told Kaylee. “There’s no manual.”

Kaylee buried her face in her hands. “You’re doing just fine at figuring it out without a manual. I mean, obviously, more than fine. But I don’t know how to figure it out. And what if I’m not good at it? At this?”

“Kaylee, it’s alright,” Shelby said, her mind racing. “You’re just fine at- you don’t- we don’t have to do anything…” she trailed off.

“Also, I think, maybe, I still felt like…it was a little weird. You know? Being with…”

“With a girl?” Shelby finished.

“Being with you. You’re my best friend. And also, yes, you’re a girl. It felt…wrong.”

Shelby didn’t respond. It was painful to hear Kaylee call what they had done, to call _her_, wrong, even if she had used the past tense.

“I didn’t mean that there was anything wrong about you,” Kaylee said softly, reading Shelby’s mind. “God, that’s the last thing I meant. I’ve missed you. So much.” Her eyes were downcast.

“What about Nick?” Shelby said.

“What about him?”

“Kaylee, come on. You were sitting together when I left that night,” Shelby said. It still hurt to picture Kaylee’s head on his shoulder.

“I told him that I had missed him. And that I knew he was sorry. And then I said that it was for the best that we had broken up,” Kaylee replied. “Some things are better left in high school, you know?”

“Like best friends,” Shelby said softly.

Kaylee still wouldn’t look at her. “No, not like best friends.” She pause for a long, long time. “I’m sorry I said it didn’t mean anything. It’s not true,” Kaylee said finally.

“Then why did you say it?” Shelby asked. Her heartbeat was speeding up.

“Because it meant everything.”

Shelby’s heart stopped. And then, looking at Kaylee’s big, blue eyes, it started again.

“Kaylee, I…” Shelby trailed off again. As frustrated as she was with herself for being unable to form full sentences, she didn’t even know what to say to Kaylee.

“It meant everything,” Kaylee repeated firmly. She took a deep breath. “Shelby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I haven’t texted you since our dinner. I’m sorry that I would never talk about things the morning after.”

Shelby reached out to tuck a stray lock of Kaylee’s hair behind her ear. “You’re talking about things now. That’s pretty good.”

“No, it’s not. I should have done it earlier. So I could have told you that night that I love you too.”

Kaylee looked up then. She was shaking as she met Shelby’s eyes. But Shelby leaned forward, and pressed a soft kiss to Kaylee’s forehead, drinking in the scent of her skin. She wanted to kiss Kaylee’s lips. To touch her, right then and there. But she knew they had time for all of that.

“Will you come over now? Please?” Kaylee gave Shelby a small smile and reached for her hand. “We have so many more Bring It On films to watch.”

“You have to buy me dinner first,” Shelby said.

“But you’ve already seen me naked,” Kaylee said, poking her shoulder.

Shelby snorted. Kaylee started to laugh, too. And then they both couldn’t stop. With tears of laughter still streaming from her eyes, Kaylee tilted her head and rested it on Shelby’s shoulder.

“Do you want to go with me to the dining hall? It’s not very romantic. But it’s close by.” Kaylee asked.

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I do,” said Shelby. She stood up. She looked at Kaylee, and at their hands, which were still intertwined. She waited for Kaylee to pull away.

But Kaylee stood up next to her. She didn’t let go. And they walked to the dining hall together, hand in hand.

\---

Shelby thought things would end at the dining hall that night. But then she walked Kaylee back to her dorm. And Kaylee reminded her that she had left her sweater there a few weeks back.

Bull fucking shit. Shelby had been wearing Kaylee’s borrowed clothes for weeks.

“I thought we were done with the whole ‘hiding behind excuses’ thing?” Shelby said, raising one eyebrow.

Kaylee flushed. “Old habits?”

Shelby grinned and pulled Kaylee towards Holmes Hall, following her up the stairs. As she walked behind Kaylee, watching her bouncy walk with affection, Shelby thought about where things had started at the beginning of the semester. And where things were now.

For the first time in a long time, she knew where they stood. And more than anything, she knew that it was good.

When they got to Kaylee’s bedroom, Kaylee fidgeted with her key outside the door. “I’m going to have to take things slow,” she said quickly.

Considering they had been hooking up for weeks, and Kaylee herself had asked Shelby to come up tonight, Shelby was a little surprised. But she understood.

“That’s cool,” Shelby said back. “I’m totally fine with whatever pace you-“ and suddenly Kaylee’s soft lips were pressed against hers. Shelby melted as she felt Kaylee’s hands in her hair and her eyelashes brushing her cheeks.

“Maybe not that slow,” Kaylee breathed, breaking their kiss to duck her head against Shelby’s shoulder.

She pulled Shelby into her room, slamming the door unceremoniously behind them and knocking both of them down onto her bed.

“Sorry!” Kaylee said, looking embarrassed. Shelby kissed her flushed cheeks. She didn’t mind one bit. As Shelby moved over her, Kaylee’s hands on her hips pulled her in as close as she could get.

Shelby couldn’t stop touching Kaylee. She was running her fingers through her hair, sliding her hands up and down her back, and kissing her everywhere. Shelby didn’t think she’d ever get to touch her like this again, and the possibility of having it all back was almost too much for her. Kaylee closed her eyes, her breath catching as Shelby traced a trail from her lips down her throat.

“Wait,” Kaylee murmured, sitting up suddenly.

Shelby pulled back. “Is everything okay?”

Kaylee carefully moved out from underneath Shelby and perched by her side. Shelby could hear her heart pounding and she reached out to brush Kaylee’s hair from her face. “Kaylee?” she questioned.

“Can you…do you want to lie down?”

Shelby glanced at her, eyes searching. “Are you asking me if-“

Kaylee reached over her, climbing into Shelby’s lap and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. She took a deep breath. “I want to see you. I want to see _all_ of you.”

Shelby’s heart was in her throat. With her defenses crumbling, she leaned back as Kaylee’s lips met hers. “Look, you know I want to, but…are you sure? We don’t have to do anything you don’t feel ready for,” she mumbled as Kaylee’s hands started to wander.

Kaylee broke the kiss, looking straight into Shelby’s eyes with the kind of longing Shelby felt deep in her own heart. “Please?”

Shelby remembered the last time Kaylee had said ‘please’ like that. And she let her head rest on Kaylee’s pillow. But as Kaylee’s hands started to move lower, Shelby couldn’t help it. She started to laugh. “I thought you wanted to take things slow?”

Kaylee’s hands didn’t stop. “Oops.”

Shelby propped herself up on one elbow, interrupting the girl above her, and Kaylee let out a frustrated whine. “Maybe I should just head home and let you have some more time to yourself,” Shelby offered with a wicked grin.

“Don’t even think about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they lived bisexually ever after.
> 
> DONE. WOW. Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, left kudos, etc. You have no idea how much it means to me and finishing is bittersweet because I'm going to miss squealing over kelby with everyone :')

**Author's Note:**

> My first story on ao3! Thank you to the prom discord, where I lurk enough to get me up in Kelby feels, warranting a slow burn/fwb/college continuation fic.


End file.
